So hard to believe!

The past eight months have been rough. We’ve lost four people we held dear. Not all at once. No, not a single tragedy. Each one lost their battle with a medical issue.

I’ve found my concentration drifting. I haven’t been able to write much and what I did write I wasn’t happy with. It’s been a struggle. My husband was upset. He didn’t know how to ‘fix it’. If you know a dominant man, you understand how frustrating that is to them. He takes my happiness very seriously.

No one can heal grief no matter how hard they try, but he did something better. He created posters of each of my book covers and hung them on the wall in my office. He went through my press promotions and gathered all the articles I’ve written for various magazines and hung those on a different wall.

When you walk into the room you’re surrounded by my work. He thought it would be inspiring. And it is. Not because my publishers like my work, but because HE does. By going to all that trouble, I see how proud he is (whether it’s warranted or not) and I’m humbled.

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You may notice the bottom right is blank. It’s my work in progress, Against the Grain. I will finish it.

Don’t worry babe, it won’t be empty for long. I’ve got this. With your support, I can do anything.

Support? Trust? Faith?

I’m not sure what the best term is. Perhaps you can help me decide.

About two years and a half years ago, my husband and I had reached a place in life where I no longer needed to hold down an eight to five career. We had dreams of me staying home and writing.

Our marriage is very traditional and as the years pass it has become even more 1950’s idyllic. He has enjoyed having him home. My writing career is doing well. I’ve written twelve books and have two more in the works.

When I came to him and discussed getting another job outside the house. It caught him by surprise. He really didn’t want our lives to change. He was displeased to put it mildly.

I explained where I was coming from, how being home alone was a bit stifling. I didn’t feel connected with the outside world anymore. I knew by his expression that he didn’t understand. Not really surprising, he has no frame of reference in which to base it. He has worked non-stop since he was seventeen. Except for scheduled vacation time, he’s never had a period in his life where he didn’t have a shoulder full of responsibilities.

I know he would love to have unencumbered time to work on his many projects and hobbies. I wish I could switch places with him, though he’d never allow it. The thought of me working and him not, is abhorrent to him. Shh, don’t tell anyone, but he’s a bit of a control freak.

Instead of blowing me off and telling me I was crazy, he listened and believed me even though he found it difficult to fathom. He supported my decision even though it would alter our day to day life.

After much looking, I found as perfect a job as possible. I started it this week. He never once complained about the change in schedule. He woke up early and made my lunch. By some fluke, he got home earlier than I did and he began dinner. On the first night when I came home with pounding headache, he wrapped me in my favorite fleece blanket and snuggled with me. He asked me questions and told me repeatedly how proud he is of me.

Today, I woke up early and made him a hot breakfast. We talked and laughed as he got ready to go. During our goodbye kiss, he remarked on my smile. Apparently, it’s been gone for a while. He was so happy it’s back.

I still don’t think he understands why holding down a job is important to me, but he does understand me. He trusted my decision and had faith in me to find something that would suit both our needs. He gave me a set of wings and allowed me to fly, scary thing for man like my husband. He wants his wife surrounded by bubble wrap and out of harms way.

I wish I didn’t need outside human interaction. I wish I could stay at home every day, always be at his beck and call, and still keep my sanity, but this past months have proven it’s not possible.

When we decided to reinvent our marriage, he made me a vow. He promised to put my life and happiness above his own. This week he proved those were not mere words he whispered in my ear. He meant them and I love him all the more for it.

Author’s Copy

I received the author’s copy of my first book, Bondage Anniversary. I’m definitely excited and trying to keep the focus on the positive. This has been a crazy adventure. I have certainly learned a lot about the publishing industry and about my loved ones. My inner circle of friends and family has been shuffled to say the least.

Some friends who I wouldn’t have expected to stand by me, have stepped up and become some of my loudest cheerleaders. Surprisingly, it’s brought me closer to my in-laws. I would have bet the moon and stars that never would happen and yet it has. For that alone, I’m grateful.

My extended family (sigh)…well suffice to say they love me, even though they are disappointed. Their hearts are in the right place and I’m going to keep my focus there.

My family is tight. We specialize in unconditional love in our home. The kids (now adults) were raised to know that no matter what–they were loved by us and they give it back to us in return.

We have many more bumps in the road ahead. As the books come out, I expect some uncomfortable moments will surface. Once my son’s book is released, a whole new set of hurdles will be thrown out there. Some, find his genre even less appropriate than mine. One thing is for sure, we will be there for each other.

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