Teeter Totter

Life is doing its teeter totter BS again. On the high side-His Lucky Day, part of the Sensory Limits Anthology, is now out on Amazon and all the major retailers. It’s been on the bestseller list since the e-version was available for early download, so to say I’m super excited would be an understatement.

On the balanced side of the teeter, work continues to be an issue. My energy for dealing with manufactured drama is dwindling fast. The only positive is that one way or another there will be a resolution in October. The frustrating part is our way of dealing with the daily grind stress is kinky fuckery and we currently have a family member living with us. I had no idea how loud spankings, paddling and other slap-happy events can be. Forget screams of pleasure, the mere action makes enough noise to cause guests to raise their eyebrows. Caning is about the only impact tool that is quiet enough and that’s not a daily use activity – for us anyway.

On the down side, my brother who was seemingly doing very well on the experimental treatment received some devastating news. The tumors in his neck were visibly smaller and he had very few outward side effects. Unfortunately, no one realized tumors were amassing in his kidneys-to the point where they have to be removed. ASAP. Next week he will enter the hospital so they can take him off his heart meds in preparation for surgery. Once he’s stable they will go in and do what’s necessary. The odds aren’t great, but the other options are worse. I hope he has hit the bottom of the totter and starts to swing upward. He’s seriously been through enough.

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Solace

It’s been a hell of a month, this week. Yeah, that’s a pretty non-sequitur phrase but it fits. Life has been piling it on pretty thick the last few days. My brother is fighting cancer and he was given several pieces of bad news. My dad is ill and the doc has no idea what it is. Our kids are unhappy about various assorted things and even though they’re adults, it feels like I should be doing something to ‘fix’ it. And, my job is frustrating the hell out of me. Feeling helpless to change any of it is what galls me the most.

It seems like every time my phone buzzes, it’s more bad news or more crap to deal with. Wednesday night I was close to a panic attack. I felt smothered, like I couldn’t escape and the pressure was keeping me from drawing my next breath.

Feeling buried and helpless to do a thing about it, you wouldn’t expect to find relief by being bound and ravaged, but I did.

My Love knows me. He understands that when I give him backtalk that I’m at wits end. My gruff sass is a way of staying above the emotion threatening to consume me.

When I got home from work, I was withdrawn. I made dinner and played mindless games on my phone. He put up with it for an hour or so. Once we’d eaten, he told me to go into our room and present. I knew better than to argue, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. As soon as he came in, I started making comments. Nothing overly snarky, but nowhere close to submissive either. If you squinted, you could assume they were playful.

He merely chuckled and shoved a ball gag in my mouth. While he took his time tying me up, he talked to me. Each wrap of the rope took me further out of my head and deeper under his spell.

He made it clear that I was his to do with as he saw fit. In short order, I was bound, gagged and completely at his mercy. Only then was I able to relax and let go. In his dominance, I found peace.

At the end of the scene, all the issues were still there. Nothing had changed except my perspective. Yet, what a difference it made. I felt stronger and better able to support my family.

Those that complain that BDSM subjugates and enslaves women will never understand how empowering I find it.

We’re a team and we’ll face what life throws at us together. He’s got my back and I’ve got his.

Having Fun

Stress can suck the very life out of you if you let it. One of my best coping mechanisms for dealing with life’s trials is writing. When the real world gets too intense, I’ll slip into a world where I have control over…everything. It’s very addictive. I’ve published 11 books so far.

My latest series, Bound for Justice, is dark. Dealing with the loss of a friend and two siblings struggling with cancer, has sent me into a tumultuous place. It isn’t the happy fuck-fest of my previous two series, Desired Discipline and Master’s Touch. Bound for Justice is primarily a criminal suspense story, although you wouldn’t know that from the snippet I’m sharing today 🙂

I’m definitely having fun exploring some of the darker recesses of my psyche. Take a peek!

A teaser from Against the Grain, the third in the Bound for Justice series. (work in progress- not edited)

Taking her nipple between two fingers he pulled and squeezed until his knee, positioned between her legs, was wet from her juices.
“This tender little peak is jealous. It wants to be in my mouth too, doesn’t it? It wants to feel the pressure of my teeth biting into its sensitive skin. It wants the pain.” He looked into Eliza’s eyes. “Pain that’s just a little more than erotic. Pain that hurts until you’re not sure you can take it, but you don’t want it to stop either. You need that don’t you, Eliza?”
“Oh God, yes.”
That was all he needed to hear. He drew her tender peak into his mouth and slowly bit down. He watched her face and knew exactly when the hurt became real, when her body sent the shot of adrenaline coursing through her. He held still allowing her to live in the moment. Tears formed in her eyes, but her expression grew soft. He gave her a few more seconds of bliss before he released her. Once the pressure was gone, the blood would rush back to the surface and the pain would spike. To redirect her attention, he shifted his knee out of the way and swatted her pussy at the same time that he released her nipple.
Her scream was music to his ears. He swatted her again and again until she was writhing. He thrust two fingers into her tight pussy and reveled in the spasms of her orgasm. He wanted to be inside her so badly, he shook with need, but he reveled in that too. He felt alive. Screams from Eliza sent him into Dom space faster than anything he’d ever known.

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Humpty Dumpty…

What do you do when the world gets to be too much?

Stress has been a living breathing entity in our family for a couple of months. Both my kids have recently switched jobs. Since they’re both adults it shouldn’t effect us right? Not true. I think parenting becomes harder as the kids age. The problems and the stakes involved only escalate as the breadth of parental control lessens. To add to the tension, I had been interviewing also. In the end, I was stymied by an unexpected hiring freeze.

Last weekend I had hopes that the worst of the storm had passed. Both kiddos had settled nicely into their new positions, My Love and I had set aside a few hours of quiet intimate time and the world was a happy place.

Sunday morning rolled around and I went in search of a glass of water and my phone. The little blue light was blinking. It is every morning so I hadn’t been prepared. I figured it was Groupon, Figi’s, Venus and a host of other retailers telling me about their great offers that I couldn’t possibly miss. Nope, it was the news that my sister’s cancer had spread. Doctors say she has a month – maybe. Three weeks ago, she had been responding nicely and while a cure wasn’t possible, they felt the progression had slowed and she had a couple of years. They were upbeat because breakthroughs were happening all the time. Now, those same smiling doctors are solemn and grim faced.

I’m angry. So angry. It’s my default emotion. It’s my coping mechanism. It’s my wall between me and pain. At some point the wall will fall, but My Love will be there to pick up the pieces once again. He’s my knight in war ravaged armor. Thankfully, he’s proven he’s better than the King’s men Humpty had counted on.

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What do you do when you realize the light shining brightly isn’t the end of the tunnel, it’s a fast moving train headed straight for you?

 

Happier

My second book, Bondage Celebration, is finished and off to the publishers for the last time. I won’t see it again until it hits the market. Elation is the best word I can come up with to describe how good it feels.

I shared the news with a long time friend. Yikes, long time is right–over thirty years we’ve known each other…Anyway, he commented that he couldn’t remember a time when I seemed happier.

It got me thinking (dangerous that : ). There have been times in my life when I’ve been happier, the birth of my children and mile stones in their lives definitely trump personal success. So, why do I feel more content and relaxed now than ever before? In my opinion, and since I’m the one feeling it–mine is the only one that counts, it is the absence of stress.

It’s funny how some of the best times of your life are also some of the most stressful. New job, getting married, buying a house, new baby, all great times, but stressful.

I’m going to try something new. I’m not going to psycho-analyze my happiness away. Instead, for the first time in my life, I’m just going to bask in it.