Easy way…

“Come to me,” he ordered.

She shook her head, gearing for a fight. “I’ve got too much to do.”

He said nothing, simply raised an eyebrow and tossed a throw pillow on the ground at his feet.

Shit! She looked at the floor that was in desperate need of a broom and a mop. The dinner dishes were still soaking and she was damn tired. Screw it, she turned her back on him and began to sweep the floor.

He chuckled. “Oh, we’re going to do this the hard way? I see.”

Her stomach clenched and she readied for the inevitable swat on the ass. Fine. Whatever. She had shit to do and wasn’t in the mood for romance.

He ripped the broom from her hand and tossed her over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry.

“Hey, put me down. This isn’t funny.” She beat on his back.

He gave her five resounding swats on her ass. “No, it isn’t funny. You disobeyed a direct order. We aren’t having that.”

Tears sprang to her eyes as her ass lit on fire. He wasn’t playing around. If she hadn’t been so up in her own head, she would have gauged his mood better. Work and the daily grind had her so stressed out she couldn’t even sleep these days.

“I’m sorry, Master. I just have too much to do to scene right now,” she managed to spit out in a placating tone.

“I had intended to ask you how I could help, but you didn’t want the easy way. Your defiance showed me that.” He tossed her, belly first, onto the bed then held her in place with one hand while he reached into the toy cabinet for a bundle of rope.

His manhandling had the usual effect, but at the moment the wetness between her legs only pissed her off. He knew exactly how to send her body zinging, but her mind was on overload. The stress she’d endured the last few weeks had her emotional walls built tall and strong.

While he was distracted by his search, she brought her knees up to scramble off the bed. In one smooth motion, he flattened her to the mattress and climbed up beside her. He grabbed her hands and slid his body over her thighs. In no time, he had her hands tied.

“Now behave or I’ll hog tie you.”

With a sigh, she lay still knowing she couldn’t possibly escape with him laying on her. She was only grateful he’d tied her hands above her instead of behind her back.

“Clearly, you need a heavy hand tonight.” He pulled a paddle from the shelf and without any preamble he began to strike her already red ass cheeks. “You need a lesson in enemy recognition.” His melodic voice was calm as he delivered blow after blow to her sore butt.

“We’re a team, you and I. Us against the world. You will not block me out. I’m here to help you whether it’s with chores or to let off some steam.”

Her ass fucking hurt and the tears started to flow. She cried as if her tear damn had burst and there was no way to stop it. The iceberg that she seemed to live in these days began to melt away. Days of frustration were washed away along with her emotional barriers.

Why had she taken it out on him? He wasn’t the problem.

“We’re stronger together sweetheart. I understand why you need your walls up at work. You’re in a rough spot right now. But here, between the two of us, there will be no walls. “Do you understand me?”

She sniffled and wiped her tears on the bed sheets. “Yes, Master.”

“Good.” He slid the paddle back into the toy cabinet. He took her by the arm and helped her stand. “Stay here,” he ordered.

She obeyed, without a single thought of defiance.

He returned with a wet washrag. He washed her face and kissed her forehead. “Take your spot and kneel toward the kitchen.”

In the great room, she took her place on the pillow he’d tossed on the floor. Instead of facing his chair, as usual, she turned slightly so she could see all the things that only moments ago had seemed so terribly important.

“Good girl,” he praised her as he walked into the kitchen and retrieved the broom. “You’re going to stay there and watch.”

Her stomach dropped. Her Master never swept. It wasn’t that he was lazy or anything. He simply did other things, things she couldn’t do or hated to do.

“You don’t need to sweep. I can do that later.” At the moment, she didn’t care if the floor ever got cleaned. The heat from her ass had migrated to her pussy and she needed attention.

“I’m capable of helping with the cleaning, my angel.” He ignored her protests and continued to sweep.

Tears began to flow again. “I know.”

He bent down and scooped the pile into the dust pan and threw it away. “If you need help, ask.”

She bowed her head. She’d never doubted that he’d help, she just hadn’t considered asking him. “Yes, Master.”

He walked to the couch and spun her around to face him. Her eyes grew wide when she noticed he still had the broom. This wasn’t going to bode well for her.

Her Master took the broom in both hands and broke it over his knee. He tossed the bristle end toward the garage and slid the remaining portion between the crook of her arms. The position forced her to arch her back and thrust her breasts forward.

His casual display of strength set her heart pounding.

“What else do you need to do tonight?” he asked, running his finger along her jaw.

“Serve my Master.”

He smiled down at her. “Good answer, my angel, but you know that’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t want to think about chores right now,” she complained.

“And that is the best answer.” He kissed her soundly. He put his hands on her shoulders to steady her. “Stand up. We’re headed to the playroom.”

Terrible, yet wonderful, things happened in his private dungeon. Her legs felt shaky as he led her down the hallway. As soon as she entered the room she knew he had a plan. Ropes dangled from a pulley attached to the ceiling. He placed her underneath them. “Kneel here.”

He took a set of cuffs from the closet and attached them to her ankles. The familiar warmth did little to calm her runaway heart. She heard the turn of the pulley and felt tugging along the broom handle and at her feet. Oh God!

“Now I know you won’t be going anywhere.” He caressed the curve of her breast. “I do love what this position does to your tits. I believe some jewelry is in order.”

She hoped he chose a pair of nooses. Of the choices they owned, they were definitely the most comfortable. As soon as she heard the jangle of chains, she knew she was screwed.

“Since you want the hard way tonight, we’ll go with clover clamps.” He bent down and rolled her nipples. He pulled and tugged until she moaned. Her eyes closed and she willed herself to relax as he set the clamps. The bite of the clover edge dug into her tender flesh and she took several deep breaths as her body adjusted to the discomfort.

He went to the closet, grabbed the Hitachi stand and placed it between her legs. “This isn’t what I had envisioned for tonight, but I’m willing to adapt to your needs, my angel. We’re going to play a little game.”

Considering her position and the toys he’d brought out, she knew the game was likely to entail forced orgasms. While one orgasm was great and even two was good, more than that and it turned into it’s own form of torture. She began to wish she hadn’t ignored his first command.

“Am I going to like this game, Master?” she asked, cautiously.

“Probably not.” He chuckled. “You’re going to suck me off while the Hitachi sits on your clit. Each time you come, I’m going to tighten the clamps so keep that in mind.”

She knew better than to argue. He wouldn’t change his mind and he’d likely make it even harder on her.

He pulled his shirt over his head then toed off his shoes, removed his socks and dropped his pants. “Are you comfortable, my love?”

She chuckled. “No.”

“I’m so glad.”

She groaned. His casual acceptance of his sadistic streak hit her straight in the pussy.  He was going to kill her. She was already primed and in desperate need of release, but knowing he planned to tighten the clamps added a layer of anxiety – which, honestly, fueled her desire even further.

He fisted her hair and directed her mouth to his cock as he used the foot peddle to activate the vibrator. Each time he pulled her forward the chain between the clamps swung sending fire directly to her clit.

Devil device. That was her nickname for the damn Hitachi. It was surely created by Satan himself. She focused on her Master’s cock, determined to drive him to distraction as fast as humanly possible. But try as she might to keep her mind off her own spiraling need, her body refused to shut it out.

Seconds turned to minutes and her muscles tensed as the explosion grew imminent. The ropes and pulley were the only thing keeping her from losing her balance as the orgasm hit her like a tidal wave.

Her release was heavenly, but as the haze of bliss began to clear, the vibration on her clit was way too strong. She tried to wiggle away, yet it was impossible. Her range of movement was confined by the broken broom handle and ropes.

“Focus, angel,” he said, sternly. “I want your sensitive clit to be tortured. Feel how hard I am? That’s all you, baby girl. Knowing you’ll be especially tender tomorrow feeds my desire.”

Damn him. He knew exactly what to say to send her back into the zone.

“It’s building again, isn’t it?” He chuckled, arrogantly. “Looks like it’s time to tighten these clamps.”

She’d had a fleeting hope that he’d forget. She should have known better. When it came to scening with her, he never forgot a single thing.

She heard the foot peddle click ratcheting the vibrator to the next level as he turned the dial on first one clamp and then the other. The excruciating bite took her breath away and took her that much closer to her next orgasm. No way. She was going to make him come first.

Swirling her tongue around the head of his cock and sucking hard she elicited a moan from him and her ego soared. She loved stealing a bit of his control. Knowing that she could bring him such pleasure was a point of pride for her. He certainly knew exactly what she needed.

“Oh, you little minx. I see you enjoy testing my staying power.” He sounded like he was speaking between clenched jaws.

Even as hope rose, so did her excitement. Her back muscles were straining which served to remind her she was bound. Her ass had turned into a powerful heat that fed her ever growing need. Her nipples throbbed in time to the rhythm he set and her clit was on a collision course with disaster. She wanted to come, but she knew how intense the sensations would become afterward and since she couldn’t avoid them a feeling of dread formed somewhere near her G spot.

She was going to lose the battle. She was already so close there was no way to avoid it. A trickle of fear skirted down her spine. Oh, God, he’ll tighten the clamps even further. She glanced down and saw her normally pink nipples a dark red and fully engorged. The sight forced her into another orgasm. She screamed around his cock and tried to rock her hips only to find her movements were no longer her own. She was completely at his mercy. Her waning release was suddenly kicked back into high gear as another orgasm tore through her.

From somewhere far away, she heard her Master groan and a sense of satisfaction settled over her as jets of cum shot into her mouth. She gagged slightly as she struggled to swallow his gift.

As awareness began to push through the clouds, she realized he’d kicked the Hitachi away from her pussy and pulled the broom handle from the crook of her arms. The only thing holding her up was the taut ropes at her wrists and ankles.

“I think I’m going to keep your hands restrained while I remove the clamps, my sweet angel. I wouldn’t want you to take my head off.”

The bastard was laughing at her situation proving once again he had a sadistic streak a mile wide.

He removed the first one and blood came rushing back into the tortured peak sending tears to her eyes.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

He chuckled. “Settle down, angel. You know that potty mouth of yours gets me hard. You can’t take another session right now.” He massaged her aching nipple as removed the remaining clamp. Before she could let go with another string of obscenities, he settled his mouth over the battered peak and eased the discomfort to a manageable level. In no time at all he had her untied and cradled in his arms.

“You never cease to amaze me, baby girl,” he told her as he carried her back to their bed.

She was so exhausted she was asleep by the time her head hit the pillow.

As the alarm blared, she noticed the sunshine filling the room. She glanced at the clock and realized she’d slept through the night for the first time in weeks. She gave her Master a kiss on the cheek. Damn, she loved that man.

She walked into the kitchen to make coffee and was stunned to find the dishes washed and put away. She flicked the coffee pot on and headed back to the bedroom. Though she knew it was too much to hope for, she cracked open the door to the laundry and took a quick look inside. Tears sprang to her eyes as she saw the bins empty. He’d stay up and taken care of all of her chores.

She ran to the bedroom and jumped onto the bed. She climbed on top of him and showered him with kisses. “What did I do to deserve you, Master? You’re the most wonderful man in the world.”

“Me? I thought I was a mean, old Dom who took sadistic pleasure in torturing his subbie.”

She loved hearing his arrogant amusement in the tone of voice. “Well, yeah,” she teased, “but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

Short Leash

“You’ve had a rough time, my pet. I’ve given you a long leash thinking that was what you needed, but I think I was wrong. A light touch didn’t work. We’re both floundering and it’s time for it to stop.”

She was kneeling at his feet gazing up at him, but the dishes in the sink and laundry in the wash called to her and made it hard to focus on him.

“I’m so stressed all the time. There isn’t enough hours in the day. Once this job mess gets settled, it will be better.”

“No, angel. Life doesn’t work that way. Once you climb one hurtle you find there’s always another waiting in the wings. We have to focus on us. Together those hurtles won’t seem so large or so important.”

She heard what he was saying and it sounded good, but she felt like she was drowning. Work sucked, seriously sucked and she couldn’t stop thinking about the politics and backstabbing crap going on there. It seemed impossible to push it out of her mind. Tears were perpetually a blink away. She was struggling just to keep her emotions in check. Now her Master found her lacking as well.

“I’m trying,” she whispers.

“I know you are, my love. You did nothing wrong. I made the mistake. I misread the situation. When you needed a firm hand the most, I gave you the opposite.”

“No, it’s not your fault I’m stressed. I can’t focus, Master,” she felt desperate that he understand. He couldn’t make demands on her. She already had more than she could handle.

“We’re going to fix that.”

He sounded so confident. So sure of himself. She wished she could feel that way again.

“Undress for me,” he orders.

The air rushes from her lungs. She couldn’t. She had too much to do. “I have to do the dishes.”

“No,” he said so sternly that she jumped. “You will follow my instructions or you will safeword.”

Needing to do the dishes or move the laundry wasn’t a good enough reason to safeword. She sighed. “I’m cold.” She’d take another tactic and delay.

“That’s a shame. Undress for me.”

Her pussy clenched. He wasn’t giving her any wiggle room. She pulled off her shirt and waited to see if that would appease him. After a few moments of staring into his strong, steady gaze, she stood and removed her shoes, socks and pants. Surely that would be enough. She really didn’t have time to get all hot and bothered right now. She had crap to do. She always had crap to do these days.

She went back down on her knees and placed her hands behind her back.

“I’m waiting.”

Her shoulders slumped. This wasn’t going the way she wanted. “Master…”

She waited a few moments, but he said no more. She was going to have to obey him. Reluctantly, she stood and removed the rest of her clothes. She noticed her pussy was wet and it annoyed her. She wasn’t in the mood for this.

“You kept me waiting, angel. We can’t have that. You need help getting into a submissive mindset.”

Crap. She knew that tone and knew better than to argue. It would just get her deeper into trouble. Tears threatened to pour down her cheeks. She was so frazzled. She just couldn’t take much more.

“You’re going to stand in the corner and you’re going to hold these two quarters,” he showed her the coins in his hand, “against the wall using your nipples.”

Stand in the corner? A tear escapes. She couldn’t. It was too much. Her emotions were over the top already. Before she could formulate a response, his big hand circled her arm and pulled her to her feet.

“Master…”

He dismisses her plea and leads her to the corner. She didn’t want to do this. A shiver ran through her as she tried to find a way out.

He stood to the side and held the two coins against the wall several inches below her breasts.

“They’re too low,” she grumbled.

“Bend your knees,” he explained calmly.

“What?” He couldn’t be serious. But one look at his face left no doubt to just how serious he was. Fuck!

She bent her knees and leaned forward toward the wall. Her Master took her breasts in hand, one at a time, and placed them on the coins. She had to tip her head and arch her back. It was a difficult position. Within a few moments her thighs felt the strain. “I can’t do this.”

“Of course you can. You already are. You’re stronger than you think.”

I’m strong? She hadn’t felt strong since she’d taken her damn job. She’d felt inadequate for months now.

“You’re not being punished my darling angel. I’m just helping you find yourself again. You’re intelligent and capable of anything you set your mind to. Because you’re confident of your abilities, you’re willing to submit to me.”

Tears rushed down her face cooling slightly before they splashed on her breasts and knees. She couldn’t move, the quarters would fall. She ached all over from the demanding position, but she realized she wanted to be there. She wanted to prove she could do it. She focused on his voice and pushed the discomfort from her mind.

“You’re submission makes us both stronger. I feel ten feet tall knowing that such confident woman, one who knows her worth, is willing to bend to my dominance.”

He ran his hand down her back then slapped her ass cheek. “Your skin shimmers. It’s so beautiful. Seeing you like this with your breasts jutting out and your ass curved and firm, makes me hot. I want to take you hard. To pound into that firm ass and bring us both a lot of pleasure, but it’s too soon. I’ve been taking the easy way out for months now.”

She heard the regret in his voice and she longed to make it better.

“It was my fault, but you’re the one who is going to pay the price. It’s unfair, but it’s the way our dynamic works. I know you hate standing in the corner. It’s why I chose it. I need to shake things up. Holding the quarters with your nipples gives you something to focus on besides cutting my dick off-which I’m pretty sure was your first thought.”

She giggled. You know me so well. The tears began to abate.

“I made it harder on you by lowering the coins and making you work for it. I like knowing you’ll take the pain, the humiliation simply because I want you to. That knowledge makes me hard enough to pound nails.”

He was killing her. She groaned or maybe it was a moan. She wasn’t sure anymore.

She saw something out of her peripheral vision. It was purple and she recognized it immediately. Oh fuck, no. She couldn’t take more.

“About now, you’re realizing why I wanted your knees bent. One more proof, you’re quick thinking and fucking amazing. It’s hard to stay one move ahead of you. I’m only able to do it because I have a sadistic streak and you don’t.” He chuckled.

“What you have is a need to submit to me. You know I love you more than life itself and I want to help you remember just how tough you really are.”

She couldn’t talk. She couldn’t formulate words. Everything hurt and he was going to shove that plug up her ass unless she safeworded. Dammit. Maybe she could take it for a minute.

“That’s why I’m taking it a step further.”

Further? What did that mean?

A scent she’d never smelled before wafted around them as he placed the blunt end of the plug against her opening. He maintained steady pressure until it was firmly in place. Within a moment or two her ass was on fire.

“Oh my, God. It hurts. It’s hot. I can’t… Take it out.”

He put his hand on around the nape of her neck. “Settle down, subbie.”

His tone was rough and it surprised her. She automatically stopped moving.

“You can take it. I know you can. It’s just a little ginger lube. Breathe for me.” He leaned down and scraped his beard across the taut breast. “Relax your butt muscles and the pain will lessen.”

Panic subsided as his voice flowed over her. He reached around in front and swirled her clit.

Oh my, God. Oh my, God. Oh my, God. She had no idea she was so close to coming. Her entire pussy throbbed and she was wetter than she ever remembered.

“That’s my girl. You’ve taken everything I’ve demanded of you, just like I knew you would. You’re stronger than you know and I’m done having you think otherwise. My subbie is amazing and she knows it. Don’t you?”

“Yes, Master,” her voice was strained, but she did feel stronger.

He picked her up and carried her to their bed. He tossed the pillows onto the chest of drawers and stripped. As he towered over her, he wrapped her hand around his cock. “See what you do to me?”

“This is all you, angel.” He climbed onto the bed, slid between her legs and gently pushed into her.

Her pussy was stretched to capacity. Her ass was tender from the ginger lube he’d coated over the purple plug, but the fire had calmed to a warm burn. His first stroke zinged her clit straight into overdrive. Holy fuck.

“I want to hear you, angel,” he instructed as he pinched her nipple. HARD.

She screamed and began to buck her hips as she flew into an orgasm. He pounded into her pussy lengthening her incredible release.

“Oh my beautiful, subbie, that was too easy.” He flipped her over and took her from behind. “I want another one, but this time you’re going to have to work for it.”

Hadn’t she? Her brain had turned to mush and she went along with his demands as if on autopilot. Part of her was still floating high above the clouds unwilling to come back to earth.

As her Master slammed into her again, she pressed her chest into the mattress.

“No, angel, I want full access.” He pulled her upward. Holding her with his left hand, he swatted her clit with his right. “You’re going to take more. And you’re going to take pain. In fact, you’re going to come from it. And tomorrow at work you’ll be thinking about tonight. As you tender ass causes you to squirm in your seat, you’ll remember the lube and how burned. How it sizzled your blood and made you hot. Made your clit hard and needy.”

He pinched her nipple until fire shot straight to her core. Her hips reflexively pumped against him.

“Tomorrow, as your abused nipples rub against your bra, you’ll remember how your mean, old Master made you come. Not once, but twice.”

She knew he spoke the truth. She would ache tomorrow and the knowledge spiked her need even higher. He continued to swat her pussy. It hurt, so fucking good.

“Come for me, angel.”

Swat after swat just kept taking her closer. Her nipples were tender and strained for more. Tighter and tighter. All she could think about was the demands he was placing on her body. She throbbed. She ached. She needed. Dear God, she needed.

He flicked her nipple. The sensation was shocking and painful. And just what she needed to send her into the orgasm of her life. She screamed and rode his cock as the world splintered around her.

In a daze, she felt her Master jerk and spasm inside her. Knowing she’d brought him the same pleasure that he’d given her, she let go completely.

The world slowly began to take shape again. She lay on her side with her Master curled around her.

“You’re my life, angel. Together we can work through anything. We need to stay a team. You and me against whatever life throws at us.”

She had no idea how long he’d been talking to her, but she knew deep in her bones that he meant every single word he was saying. It wasn’t her against the world. She had a partner, one that would never leave her side and together they would get through it all.

Other Foot

I just got back from a week long adventure in the wilds of Montana. I was sent there for my day job. Normally, if I’m sent to an offsite location it’s within my home state and I’m sleeping in my own bed that night. Now my husband is sent all over the country a couple times a year. This is the first time the shoe was on the other foot.

My trip was with 35 strangers. We were a mix of males and females ranging in age from college students to grandparents. Half of us, me included, were completely out of our comfort zone. I’m good in the woods or the desert, but I’m not good surrounded with strangers. It’s exhausting to be with strangers that I have to interact with for 14 or 15 hours a day without a break. I had no down time. No time to recharge my batteries.

In addition to my husband being my source of unconditional love and security, he’s also a buffer between me and people. I’m not a gregarious sort. I live in my head. I create mini worlds and I control how they interact. I control the plot, the dialogue and the ending. The real world is all together different. And generally – I’m not a fan.

To me, ‘the public’ is an energy vampire. Being in close confines with others just sucks the life out of me. I was prepared for inclement weather, the back country, long hours and rough conditions. I was not prepared for the toll of being around strangers for a week solid with sleep being my only away time. I came home utterly fried emotionally and physically.

My Love, on the other hand, experienced what it’s like to go about your normal routine with the other half of your soul missing. He’d come home and heat up a meal I’d prepared ahead of time, but he’d eat it alone. He had no one to share his day with. No one to share the chores. Yet, everywhere he looked he was reminded of me and something we created together. He said, if something ever happened to me the house would be on the market in a heartbeat. The memories would eat him alive.

At the end of the week, we both decided we’re no good alone. We’re halves of one whole. I think that’s the way it’s meant to be. We’ve spent everyday of 38 years together except for the occasional solo work trip. Our lives are completely intertwined and that’s the way we like it.

Montana

Whirlwind

Man, the last 30 days have been a whirlwind of chaos and stress. Yet, I feel blessed to say it has made my Love and I even closer.

The first disaster to strike was our air conditioner died. And I mean completed died. There was no reviving it. We went a week without it. Since we have large pets moving into a hotel was out of the question. Although our kids offered to let us stay with them, we decided to tough it out and not impose.

We live in the desert in Arizona and it was August. It’s our monsoon season. If you’ve never experienced Arizona in the summertime, I’m not sure you can appreciate exactly what it feels like here. When they tout it being a dry heat – they are talking about June and early July. In August, we have high temps and humidity. If you go from air conditioned cars to air conditioned buildings, it’s doable. I wouldn’t recommend living by fans alone in 110 degree heat though.

In truth, we were together and we came through it with a new appreciation for each other although our cuddle time took it in the shorts. 🙂

Fast forward to Labor Day – the perfect day for our well to die right? No one open. No one willing to drive out to the middle of no-where to even look at. My Love worked his magic and got it working (somewhat) so we were able to limp by until morning. Now if you read my blog, you’ll know why way of coping is to clean (among other things). Kinky sex with my Love, clean the house from top to bottom, rock out and dance to loud music, read something deliciously dirty and write – to be exact. But, I got off track. My point was it’s very difficult to clean when you can’t turn on the faucet.

During the week, we spoke to many well drillers and heard a different version of what they thought caused the problem and how to make the repair. Toss in stress of our daughter preparing for a 2+ week trip to Europe, a job interview for me and an eight week old pup and the stress level hit critical mass.

Which takes takes us back to coping strategies. Kinky sex is often dirty – no water for aftercare. Cleaning generally requires water too. Sure you can vacuum, but no dish washing, no laundry, no mopping, etc. Music and reading tried their best, but it was a rough job.

Today, I’m happy to say, our well solution was implemented. Everything looks good so far. It only cost the gross national product of a third world country to get water flowing through the faucets once more. My Love, with some help from our son, effected the repair.

He was truly amazing. He did tons of research and learned all about our current system and what else was available. As always, he took charge and made the decisions – with some input from me. I’m very proud of him. He was up at sunrise and worked his butt off most of the day. The sun was brutal and there’s no shade. Temperatures reached over a hundred degrees, yet he worked tirelessly until the repairs were completed and water once again flowed up to the house.

After the sun went down, we took a dip in the spa to help relax his aching muscles. Sitting there together, watching the sun go down, he leaned over and kissed me. Then said, “thank you. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.” I wasn’t working the shovel, or manhandling the tanks, or repairing the plumbing, or risking my life with the 220 electric that runs the pump, but here he was thanking me for supporting him. Silly man, I live for him – how could I not support him? He’s the best!beautiful

 

 

Let’s Be Independent Together

Yeah, I know it’s 114 degrees outside and there’s no good reason why I’m remembering a line from a Christmas movie – but there it is. I’m weird like that.

My Love and I have been together over 37 years. I think it works because we still enjoy and crave our together time. We are independent people. My guy collects toy trains, he enjoys working on cars and cruising around the lake in whatever boat he’s just finished restoring. I have little interest in trains, but I go to the swap meets and help him rummage through the boxes. The only aspect I enjoy about cars is driving them – and extra-curriculars in the backseat, but I go to junk yards with him and help him find whatever widget he’s searching for this time. And I listen as he describes the variations and the small nuances that intrigue him. I know w-a-y more about cars and Lionel trains than I ever thought I would.

I’m sure you see where this is going. I don’t have to enjoy the same aspects of his hobbies as he does. I find enjoyment in watching his face light up when he finds something that makes him happy. I want to be the person he thinks of first when reaches out to share an experience.

By the same token, he has no interest in stained glass. He enjoys the final product, but he’s not one to stand at the work bench for hours on end cutting out tiny pieces of glass, surrounding them with lead and soldering them together. Oh, he has the talent and the patience – just not the interest. Yet, he goes with me to the glass shop and helps me pick out the glass. He feeds me snacks when I’m working with lead and really shouldn’t be messing with food. He goes clothing shopping with me and never complains about how long I take or all the multitude of packages he holds for me. He reads my books-each and every version until it’s just the way I want it. We bounces story lines back and forth and he helps me with scenes that frustrate the daylights out of me. He also my biggest cheerleader. When I’m ready to throw in the towel, he’s there to bolster my spirits.

I revel in knowing that I can be my own person. I can have interests separate from him, yet he’s willing to share them with me – in one capacity or another. We are independent together.

Rough Week

It’s been a rough week. We had to say goodbye to our Great Dane, Mickie. Man, it hurts. He’s been my constant companion for the last nine and a half years. He’ll be sorely missed.

My brother also went into the hospital to have his one remaining kidney removed. As I write this, I’m waiting to hear the outcome. We all suspect cancer. The real question is has it spread.

To make matters even harder to handle -my Love and I have been off-kilter for a few months now. As soon as he got back from a long ass trip to New York, our pup started going down him. Most of our time and energy was spent keeping him happy and as healthy as possible. Toss in a job change for me, a visit from the in-laws, and my brother’s failing health and you get stress. Lots of stress.

We’re working on getting our D/s back on track. It’s way too easy for it to take a backseat when life decides to rear its ugly head. It’s a nasty catch 22. Our D/s is like anything else – it needs maintenance. Sometimes it flows smoothly and is  deeply interwoven into our relationship. Sometimes it’s an uphill battle. When you’re falling into bed and happy if you catch four or five hours of sleep, it’s hard enough to make time for a quick romp, let alone a whole scene.

The more time that passes between scenes, the harder it is to push away the stress. Finding the right mindset seems next to impossible when you’re listening to make sure the pup is breathing okay, or in fear of the phone ringing with news you really don’t want to hear.

But it’s worth it. The connection we feel during and after a scene is hard to describe. The intimacy that comes from being vulnerable can’t be found any other way – or at least not for us.

As long as we stay tight, we’ll weather any storm that comes our way.

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Happy Dancing all over the house!

It’s time. There were days when I wondered if it would ever happen again. The One and Only is available for sale. After an incredibly long dispute with the original publisher, I own the rights again. I also put the book back to the way I had wanted it in the first place.

I’m done with editors who don’t understand a single thing about the lifestyle telling me how to ‘correct’ my story. I could write a 10k page book on some of the absurd changes I’ve been told to make over the years. My family and friends duck for cover when it’s editing time. I’ll stare my computer and scream random phrases – What do you mean that’s impossible? Have you ever had sex before? Independent body part? Eff you! It’s written in her POV for heaven’s sake. On and on it goes until ‘my editor’ is as frustrated with me as I am with them and then they turn me over to a group that is supposed to look for only the grammatical errors. Of course, you’ll get one or two of them that have to comment on the content and the fun starts all over again. By the time it’s done my head is ready to explode.

This one is all mine. For better or for worse.  amazon.com/author/toricarson

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The cover was done by my soon to be son-in-law. I absolutely LOVE his work. If you’re publishing a book, please consider working with him. Unlike my previous art designers, he actually listens to my ideas. I wanted something elegant, romantic and a touch dark. I wanted the Dom to be the focal point. We discussed the story line and plot of each book. After that, I turned him loose and hoped for the best.

He came up with the series design and matched each cover to the individual stories. Small details, I hadn’t noticed at first, such as the type of plants that run along the top are specific to plot elements. I am very impressed with his work. The covers are amazing and I couldn’t be happier. He’s awesome. If you’re self publishing – give him a shot. You’ll love him.

Check out his website at katz-concepts.com or shoot him an email at ryan@katz-concepts.com

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On and on we go…

It’s nothing new. Every time My Love has to go away for an extended period of time our D/s slows down. It’s never pure vanilla. I don’t think either one of us could go back to that, but the intensity backs way off.

I’m not sure if he has difficulty finding his Dom space when he knows he’s about to fly across the continent or if he worries about me suffering from sub-drop while he’s away.

Once he returns, he’s ready to dive right back in, but I struggle a bit. He’s in tune with me and understands. He still pushes, as is his right, yet it isn’t at the depth he’d probably prefer. One scene at a time, we build the power between us.

Two days after he’d walked back into my arms, we were nearly back on track. My emotions were settled and our scenes were heating up faster than an Arizona summer.

That night our pup, a nine year old Great Dane, took a bad turn. My Love drove him to the vet and we received the long face. He brought our baby boy back home and our attention is now centered on him. We need to make him comfortable and do what we can to hold off the inevitable.

Neither of us feels our normal drive. Our pets are more than pets. They’re part of our chosen family, that small group of beings we prefer to spend our time with – rather than those that share a strand or two of similar DNA.

It’s funny how the amazing sex portion of our D/s helps us deal with day to day stress, but when our heart is being ripped out it isn’t as helpful. I’m not saying we revert back to a vanilla couple. I’m not sure anything could do that. Instead it’s the emotional side of our D/s that brings us the most comfort.

I find a semblance of peace in serving My Love. Whether I serve him through seriously kinky sex or by keeping fresh, sun-tea chilled in the refrigerator, our familiar roles help us cope.

My Love is shouldering the responsibility even though it isn’t his fault. It’s no one’s fault, but someone he loves is in a bad way and he can’t fix it. He can’t change the inevitable. Yet, he isn’t giving up. He’s determined to give our pup as much time as possible. He’s been spending his vacation time coaxing our baby boy to eat, drink and take his meds. He gets up multiple times a night and takes him outside without a single word of complaint.

And in the process, My Love is stealing my broken heart. Watching his gentle care of our pup reminds me of why I offer him my love and my submission each and every day.

Together. As always. We will make it through this.

34 years and we still blunder…

Last Friday, I also received fantastic news about my brother. The experimental treatment he’s on has really made great strides and his test results are looking amazing. Ironically, I received his text while I was sitting in an emergency room in more pain than I can remember going through in a long time.

Thursday, I had a nagging headache. It wouldn’t leave me alone. I wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep it off, but both our kids reached out with issues they wanted to discuss. Fast forward, it’s midnight, my head is screaming and my stomach is decidedly unhappy. I’ve done all I can do parent wise and I try to sleep. My head had other plans. I woke in severe pain several times. I told my Love, I was staying home from work. I didn’t think I could drive there anyway. Since he was taking off the following week, he felt he needed to go in and that playing hookie wasn’t an option. I get it. He’s a stand-up guy. Loyal. Doing what’s right matters to him.

As the day progresses, I get sicker and sicker. I began to think I had stomach flu in addition to the migraine. I kept thinking if it doesn’t let up I’m going to have to go to the doctor. I knew I couldn’t drive and I knew my Love was miles and miles away. I thought about calling another member of my family for a ride. Clearly, I wasn’t thinking properly.

I know I come first. Nothing is more important to my husband than I am.  He tells me this all the time. He makes me repeat it on occasion. I knew if I told him ‘come home’, he would have. I was trying to put his need to finish out the work day ahead of my need for him. Big mistake. Huge.

Our daughter was texting and texting and looking at the screen was killing me, so I explained that I was ill and considering asking for a ride to the doctor. She immediately reached out to my Love. He raced home, got me into the car and off we went.

His anger was palpable. Even through the pain, I knew he was seriously pissed that I hadn’t explained just how sick I was. In my mind, I had, but I had also shared my hope anytime it felt even marginally better. I hadn’t realized just how mixed the signals I was sending really were.

Fast forward – I’m being loaded into the ambulance. I knew he was standing outside the door watching. By that time, fear was coming off him in waves. I’m afraid the image of me inside the back of it would haunt him for a long time. He’s mentioned it a few times already.

The first person I saw when they opened the door was my Love’s face. He stayed with me the entire time, even going down with me for the tests. A couple family members showed up, but he still didn’t leave me side. He is my rock.

Once they finally figured out the chemical concoction to get me feeling as close to ‘normal’ as I ever am, they let me go home. I don’t think I was in the car ten minutes before the lecture set in. We now have a ‘signal word’ much like a safe word that will let him know that he needs to come home immediately. I’m sure we aren’t finished with the conversation. I’m still feeling a bit under the weather and I know he’s treating me with kid gloves. Once they come off, I suspect I’ll get an ass beating I won’t soon forget. Don’t tell him, but I’m mostly looking forward to it. I need the punishment to let go of the guilt of scaring him. The guilt of not telling him I needed him. The guilt over considering calling someone else to take me to the doctor when I know I should have turned to him.

Wednesday will be our 34th wedding anniversary. I guess it doesn’t matter how long you’re together, sometimes there will be blunders.

Getting Back in Sync

Toward the end of last summer, our son moved in with us while his house was being built. Though it was nice having him around, it definitely cut into our kink. For years now, we haven’t had to worry about how loud we were or whether a scene was enclosed in the privacy of our bedroom.

Mid December his home was ready and we returned to kinky DINKs. We bought our first piece of ‘fuck furniture’. Now we’ve transformed a lot of normal things into BDSM toys before, but this was the first piece of substantial furniture we’ve bought for the purpose of playing. He’s discretely hidden eye-bolts to the frame as tie off points for bondage. Of course the legs will be incorporated also.

My Love has spent considerable time designing scenes and we’re getting back into the groove. Thankfully, we’re falling into sync rather easily. My stress level is down and I’m able to write again. 2018 is off to a good start. Let’s up the momentum continues.