Hard Choices

The entire ride to the club, all forty-five long minutes of it, had been in stressful silence and her nerves were drawn tight. Her heart beat damn near out of her chest as Joe opened and held the door for her.

Liz, the club receptionist, made small talk as she processed their membership cards. Sandy hoped she had smiled appropriately. Though she tried, she really hadn’t listened to a word she’d said.

Her emotions were a tumbled mess. She’d managed to turn what should have been an exciting night out into a major disappointment for Joe.  There was so much going on in their lives that it was hard to switch gears. She’d wanted to stay home and work on some of her chore list. They had family coming into town and their to-do list seemed several miles long.

Joe was having none of it. He was determined to get their D/s back on track and to hell with anything else. Her naughty parts cheered, but her head was filled to capacity with daily minutia. She just couldn’t clear her mind enough to focus on submission. As crazy as it may sound, submission came from a place of strength and lately she hadn’t had any.

Nothing seemed easy any more. As soon as she checked one thing off their ‘to-do’ list, four more were added. They’d never get ahead and taking precious hours to drive to the club for a scene just seemed… Frivolous. It felt like a giant stop watch was forever ticking in her head. She’d told him all those things, but he insisted they come anyway.

As she started toward the ladies changing room, Joe caught her arm. “Pet, we’re you listening? They’re remodeling and getting away from gender specific areas. The restrooms and locker area is this way.”

Sandy nodded stiffly. She was more out of it than she’d realized. “Sorry. I was lost in my head.”

Joe moved his grip to the nape of her neck and stopped them in the middle of the hallway. “Try that again.”

What? Oh, shit. She’d forgotten where they were. “Sorry, Master.” Heat infused her cheeks.

Sometimes she felt like a fraud. They didn’t live in a strict protocol, 24/7, lifestyle. It was always there in the background, but the rules were relaxed unless they were in a scene-or at the club.

He stared at her long and hard. “Not good enough. Nose to the wall.”

Here? In the middle of the hallway? Tears sprang to her eyes as she reluctantly turned to the wall. She heard rustling and wondered what he was doing. Was she going to be punished further?

“Master Joe! Good to see you.” Sean, the owner of the club, said from somewhere close behind Sandy.

Embarrassed further by friends seeing her in trouble, her stomach dropped. Even her ears felt hot. She knew her face was crimson with shame. Damn, Joe. He was taking this way too seriously. She’d only forgotten to use his title. It wasn’t that big of an infraction. Her hands balled into fists.

“I see you’re busy. We’ll catch up later.”

Joe tsked. “You’re not going to make this easy on yourself, now are you?”

Sandy barely heard the rush of air before the knuckles on her left hand were struck. So surprised and startled, she pulled her hand to her chest and turned to face Joe. Her hand throbbed like a son of a bitch.

“Did I tell you, you could move?”

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him he was being an asshole and walk back out to the car, but that wasn’t their way.

“No, Master.” She rubbed her stinging hand briefly and returned to face the wall.

“Someone’s been bad girl,” said a high pitched, sing-songy voice followed by a volley of giggles.

“Get out of here, Marla,” Joe said, sternly.

Sandy’s spine stiffened and a roaring settled in her ears. Marla, the twenty-something that might weight 110 pounds and most of that was the silicone surgically implanted in her breasts and ass? Marla, the flirty twat, that has offered to sub for Joe anytime he wanted to try a third?

She started to ball her fist again, but the sting reminded her that was a bad idea.

“Open wide,” Joe whispered.

Reluctantly, she obeyed. Why couldn’t he just swat her ass or something else that wouldn’t announce to the entire club – SANDY IS BEING PUNISHED like the bright red ball gag. She closed her eyes as Joe pulled it so tightly that even after he removed it, she’d be sporting marks along her cheeks from the straps.

“Brace your hands on the wall,” he ordered, a moment before he walloped her ass with a paddle five times in quick succession.

Sandy struggled not to cry out. Searing heat radiated from her ass and she silently begged Joe to caress the pain away, but punishments didn’t work that way. Her legs felt wobbly as Joe slid the wooden paddle into his bag.

He grabbed her around the bicep and turned toward the privacy rooms. Their normal routine was to meet at the sitting area near the bar and chat for a few minutes. She’d sit on his lap or kneel at his feet. There’d be a few minutes to wind down or wind up as the case may be, but not this time. She felt off kilter at the change.

He led her into a room that had way more glass than she was used to. Normally they played in rooms that only had a small piece of glass in the door. This one was more open than private. It also had a giant clock on the wall that made enough noise it could be heard over the music of the club. What was up with that? How distracting! What was Sean thinking putting that thing in here?

“Strip,” Joe ordered, as soon as he closed the door.

She wanted to argue. Yes, the room was near the end of the hallway, but she’d be on total display. Since she was ball gagged, she turned and pointed to the open view- only to notice it was one way glass. Anyone could see in, but they couldn’t see who was watching. Her stomach did a nasty flip.

Joe raised an eyebrow. “Clearly you need an extended lesson on obedience. Now stand here.” He pulled her directly in front of the glass. “Submission is more than hot kinky scenes. It isn’t always easy and it shouldn’t be. That’s boring. You want me to take control and push you out of your comfort zone. To enforce my will.”

Yes, but not like this – she wanted to argue.

“Time is ticking, Sandy. The longer you stall the worse it’s going to be.” He crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

Damn it. Just damn it. Fine. She closed her eyes and began undressing.

A sharp smack lit up her cheek and Sandy spotted the damn crop poised in Joe’s hand. “You’re not hiding in your head tonight, angel. You’re probably not going to enjoy this evening, but you need it. We need it. You’re going to keep your gaze directly on our audience, unless I tell you otherwise.”

She’d never wanted to close her eyes so much in her life. He was right – submission wasn’t always easy. Sandy stared at the mirror finish, grateful she couldn’t see who was watching.

“That’s better. Now strip,” Joe ordered, in an unyielding voice.

Usually during scenes his tone was intimate. He was firm, but there was an undercurrent of warmth. Not this time. She felt on edge and completely at his mercy – like he wasn’t taking her desires into consideration at all.

Her hands shook as she untied her corset and let it slide down her body. She stepped out of it and took a step toward the counter. Joe grabbed her arm.

“You were told to stand here and strip. I didn’t give you permission to move.”

She looked at him in surprise. He’d never been so strict.

“Eyes. On. Our. Audience.”

She forced her gaze back to the mirror. He had to quit saying that. She didn’t want to think about people seeing her. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to get a handle on her emotions.

Joe took the corset from her and waited as she removed her shoes and leather mini.

She watched in the reflective glass as he placed them on a blanket in the corner of the room.  It dawned on her the room wasn’t well equipped. It had a whipping post and a set of stocks. No bed. In fact it didn’t have a single flat surface except for the tiny counter surrounding a small sink.

“You told me, you couldn’t relax. That you couldn’t get in the zone because there was a stopwatch in your head that refused to let you alone. Is that right?”

She nodded, slowly. She glanced at the reflection of the big clock on the wall and it began to make sense. Joe had asked Sean to put it there. Oh, this wouldn’t be good.

“That doesn’t work for me, angel. I’m your Dominant – period. It doesn’t matter if life is a breeze or if it’s in the toilet. I’m still your Dominant. That doesn’t change. And you’re my submissive. You don’t get days off. You don’t get to flip a switch and decide to shut me out. That’s not the way it works. Is it?”

Sandy shook her head.

Joe strolled over to his bag and pulled out a hair clip then handed it to her. “Put your hair up. You’re not going to hide your body from me in any way tonight.”

As she twirled her hair into a make shift bun, she tried to figure out what was happening. Joe was different tonight. The room he’d chosen was different. The protocols he expected were different. Part of her wanted to rip out the ball gag and ask what the hell he wanted from her, another part wanted to rush into his arms and be held and yet another wanted to curl into a ball and cry.

“I told you we were going to focus on our D/s. I thought if we scened more often, we’d get things back in order fairly quickly. It didn’t happen. Our scenes are great, but the next morning you’re as stressed as ever. Your walls are up as soon as your eyes open each day. I’m not having it angel. Not between us.”

She shifted her weight and struggled to keep her gaze forward.

“That’s why I chose this room. No walls. You’re going to remember this tomorrow. As you wake and your mind starts to replay our evening, you’ll remember standing completely naked into front of the entire club because I told you to. You’re not restrained. You could cover up. You could leave. But you aren’t going to do that. You’re going to submit to me. You’re going to do as I ask because you respect me and choose to submit to me. Even when it’s hard. Even when the clock inside your brain ticks as loud as fuck and urges you to work on other things.”

Tears clouded her eyes. Even when he was being a bastard, his actual objective was to tighten their bond. Why did she always push back? Why couldn’t she shrug off the daily shit?

“Do you hear the ticking of the clock on the wall?” he asked, standing a foot off to the side and staring down at her with his arms crossed over his chest.

She wished he’d move directly in front of her and block her from the damn glass, but no. He was proving a point.

Sandy nodded.

“Listen to it. Let it seep into your pores. It’s going to be your constant companion tonight.”

Oh God.

“You’ve been standing here, on display for six minutes while we chatted. Now, I know that eight is your favorite number so you’re going to stand here patiently for two more. No moving. No fidgeting. No hiding. For one hundred and twenty more ticks of time you’ll going to stand there and let our audience admire your naked body.”

A second, then two ticked by. “Right now, they’re probably staring at your gorgeous breasts and wondering when I’m going to get around to torturing them.” He chuckled. “Stand up straight, angel. There’s no hiding tonight.” He pinched her nipples viciously.

She sucked in a tortured breath and forced her legs to hold her up as the movement of the second hand on the clock seemed as loud as a jack hammer. One hundred and twenty. God, that was an eternity.

“Only forty seconds have passed. Twice that left. I’m sure there’s quite the crowd out there – staring at my beautiful submissive. My beautiful, shy submissive who never likes to be undressed in the club. Yet, here she is. standing completely bare – because I wish it.”

Her stomach knotted. He needed to stop reminding her. It was bad enough to stand in front of what appeared to be a mirror. Looking at her naked body was already an act of submission. He didn’t need to bring anyone else into the equation.

His hand explored her pussy and she knew what he’d find. Heat rushed to her face. As he pulled his hand from between her legs, she saw the wetness reflecting off the lights.

Joe’s smile deepened. “Yes, angel, this is exactly what you needed.” He held his hand beneath her nose. “Do you smell your arousal?”

She closed her eyes and received a sharp swat on her breast..

“No hiding,” he reminded her. He wiped his palm on the ball of the gag and turned it in toward her tongue. “Maybe that will remind you to be an obedient submissive.

He knew she hated tasting her own wetness. Damn him.

“Oh, that look is going to cost you angel.” He dipped one finger, then a second into her pussy. When he pulled out, he slid his wet fingers along her cheeks. “Inhale deeply, pet, and smell how aroused you are.”

She wished she could quit breathing entirely, but that was impossible. Several expletives came to mind.

He gave her breast another stinging swat which forced her to suck in a gulp of air. “You will obey one way or another. The choice is yours.”

“I suspect you’ve forgotten all about the clock.” A moment later he chuckled and she knew her reaction must have given her away. Joe was always good at reading her.

“We can’t have that. Sean went to a lot of trouble to set this up for us tonight.” He took her breast in his hand and began to squeeze her nipple. “I’m going to increase the pressure as the seconds tick by.”

Each time the clock hand moved the bite along her tender flesh increased. It was quickly becoming uncomfortable.

“As my submissive, I’m well aware of how much pain you enjoy and when it shifts from delicious to something more. Now if we were just enjoying a scene, I’d stop about now, but this evening is a lesson in obedience. It’s your first night of remedial training.”

Sandy groaned. It hurt, but his words kept her in the zone. She danced on that fine line between pain and arousal. With each tick she expected it to cross over to real pain, but somehow he kept her hovering right on the edge.

“I was wrong to not take this step earlier.” He sighed and released her nipple.

As the blood rushed back in and the pain ratcheted up, she expected him to rub or kiss the ache away, instead he slapped the side of her breast again.

“Have you wondered why I haven’t swatted your ass?”

She nodded.

“Because you like it.” He chuckled. “Training is to help you be successful at something you struggle with. Well my angel, you struggle with putting us first. You struggle with obeying me when the stopwatch in your head won’t leave you alone. So we’re going to have training sessions every night until obeying your Master is as natural as breathing.”

She heard what he was saying, but she couldn’t quite comprehend the meaning. Training? Every night? What would that entail? Was he serious?

He shook his head. “I see those wheels turning. You’re likely thinking about that ‘to-do’ list of yours and wondering how we’re going to squeeze it in. Well, that’s easy. We aren’t. We’re going to focus on your training and if there’s time for anything else-great. But chores and project lists are no longer a priority,” he decreed. “You think about that while I get ready for your next lesson.”

She watched as he pulled the stocks in front of the two-way glass. Next, he lowered the pillory to about four feet.

“Is your jaw beginning to ache?” he asked.

She hadn’t noticed it before, but since he mentioned it, YES. She nodded, hoping he’d remove the damn thing.

“Good. Maybe it will remind you to stop arguing with me.”

She whimpered, but felt her clit begin to throb.

Joe unlatched the clasp and raised the top section of the pillory. “Assume the position, pet.”

Pet? He almost always called her angel. He was doing it on purpose she decided. He’d barely touched her and normally, he remained in constant contact. Tonight, he was taking away all of her crutches. All of her comforts. He was forcing her to mentally choose submission.

She turned toward the stock and received another searing whack on her breast.

“Did I tell you to turn away from our audience?” he asked, sternly.

She shook her head then pointed toward the stock in hopes he’d understand she was simply following his directive.

“You’re capable to walking backwards. I’ve seen you do it.”

She stared at him incredulously. He couldn’t be serious.

“I foresee a long training session for my dear submissive,” he said, with a sigh.

“Return to your spot.”

Reluctantly, she complied.

“Hold your breasts in your hands like you’re offering them to our audience.”

She didn’t like touching herself. That was his job. It just seemed weird. She wanted to touch him. He knew that, yet he chose this punishment anyway. Because he knew she hated it. A tear escaped and ran down her cheek. She could safeword. She considered it, but his words replayed in her mind. Submission isn’t easy. It’s a choice. Was she his submissive only when it felt good or was she his submissive even when it was hard?

Sandy cupped her breasts and lifted them in offering. Anger simmered below the surface, but she wasn’t sure who she was angry with – Joe for pushing her buttons or with herself for needing his help to find her submissive mindset again.

“Pinch. Hard.”

She shut off her mind and simply obeyed.

“Ease,” he ordered. A tick of the clock went by. “Pinch.” Tick, tick. tick. “Harder.”

She groaned, but obeyed.

“Ease.” Tick, tick. “Make it hurt.” Tick, tick, tick, tick. “Ease.” Tick. “Now milk them for thirty full second in rhythm to the clock.”

Heat infused her cheeks. Wetness dampened her thighs. Humiliated, yet aroused she followed his orders and tried to shut the rest of the world out.

“Good girl. You can stop. Now walk to the stock without disobeying me.”

She used the mirror to know where to step. As she moved into place, she realized the pillory was lower than her shoulders. She’d have to stoop to get into place. God, it was going to kill her back and force her ass into the air.

Just do it. Don’t think about it. Once she was in place, Joe pulled the top section into place. The wood was cold on the back of her neck and a shiver ran down her spine.

“Spread your legs. I’m going to take your ass while our audience watches.”

She shut her eyes. He couldn’t. Not with her standing up and stuck in stocks.

The crop swatted her tender nipple and caused her to jump.

Fuck that hurt!

“I’ll just lay this here,” he said, as he placed the crop on top of the pillory. “Seems like I’m going to need it.” He rummaged through his bag and pulled out the anal beads. “If I remember correctly, these are your least favorite-which makes them perfect for tonight.”

He squirted lube along the length of the toy and around her ass before he unceremoniously began to push them inside.

“If we were scening I would have prepared you a bit more pet, but that’s a privilege you won’t enjoy during training.” He picked up the crop and began to swat her breasts in time to the clock ticking. “I’m sure our audience likes to watch your tits sway as the nipples harden. I know I do. Can you imagine how tender they will be tomorrow?”

She could and it made her even wetter.

When she feared she couldn’t take another swat, he shoved in another bead.

“You know these last few months, it seems like we take one step forward…” in went another bead, “and two backward.” He pulled on the beads until two slid out of her. “Don’t you agree?” He pushed in three, then pulled out two.

Her ass burned. Her nipples ached. Her clit throbbed. And she ceased to care about the ticking clock.

“Do you know why I have your head downhill?”

Because you’re a sadistic bastard? Good thing she was gagged and she hadn’t be able to actually voice her first response. Instead she simply shook her head.

“So I can watch you drool. You probably can’t see it, but there’s a lovely puddle on the floor.”

Her pussy clenched and her chest tightened making it hard to breathe. Oh, my God. People were watching her drool on the floor. Before she could fully take in the complete humiliation, Joe ripped the beads from her ass.

He unlaced his leathers and slid a condom over his impressive cock. Next, he reapplied lube. As she mentally prepared to have him invade her naughty hole, he turned back to his bag and pulled out a cock ring with a dildo attachment.

Another toy he knew she hated. He was well endowed and had absolute control. The cock ring was simply a way to ensure the dildo moved along with him – filling her to total capacity.

She had no control – outside of using her safeword (or safe gesture as the case may be). Her only option was to submit.

“Eyes on our audience. I want them to see my pet’s face as she takes my cock up her ass and remind her that I own this body. It’s mine to do with as I please.”

Sandy noted the hint of strain in his voice. His cock was huge. Yeah, he was helping her find the right mindset – but he was enjoying himself along the way. And that’s why they were perfect for each other.

She stiffened as the head of his cock pushed past her rim. Thankfully, he held still and allowed her to adjust to his invasion. A few ticks of the clock went by before he adjusted the dildo and slid it inside her pussy. The angle was tough and the fullness bordered on too much.

“Look at you. You’re so beautiful.” He took the crop and gave each nipple a sharp swat. Before the pain subsided, he angled the crop and smacked her clit.

A strangled cry escaped around the gag.

“Oh yes. I like that sound better than a ticking clock. Sing for me, pet.” He set a punishing rhythm. In and out of both her ass and pussy all while he swatted her clit.

As she neared release he paused. “While you’re in training, you won’t find our sessions much to your liking, but I will allow you to come if I think you’ve earned it.”

Slowly, he started moving again. “I bet they can smell your arousal all the way outside. Do you still taste it? Does it still fill every breath you take?”

Sandy groaned. She was so close. Each swat took her a little higher. She felt like she was climbing a mountain by her fingertips.

“Yeah, you earned this pet.” He gave her three direct swats that sent her tumbling into oblivion. The world shattered into a million shimmering gemstones. A few more strokes and she heard Joe’s harsh shouts and his cock pulse deep inside her.

Time was meaningless as she slowly floated back to reality. Seconds? Minutes? Hours? It didn’t matter. Eventually, she noticed she was no longer in the stocks. She was wrapped in a blanket and cradled in Joe’s arms.

“I know I was hard on your tonight, my angel, but it’s needed. We can’t let the stress keep us apart.”

“You’re right. I’m trying, Master. I really am.” She curled deeper into his arms.

He kissed her forehead. “I know, baby. We’ll get you there.”




Easy way…

“Come to me,” he ordered.

She shook her head, gearing for a fight. “I’ve got too much to do.”

He said nothing, simply raised an eyebrow and tossed a throw pillow on the ground at his feet.

Shit! She looked at the floor that was in desperate need of a broom and a mop. The dinner dishes were still soaking and she was damn tired. Screw it, she turned her back on him and began to sweep the floor.

He chuckled. “Oh, we’re going to do this the hard way? I see.”

Her stomach clenched and she readied for the inevitable swat on the ass. Fine. Whatever. She had shit to do and wasn’t in the mood for romance.

He ripped the broom from her hand and tossed her over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry.

“Hey, put me down. This isn’t funny.” She beat on his back.

He gave her five resounding swats on her ass. “No, it isn’t funny. You disobeyed a direct order. We aren’t having that.”

Tears sprang to her eyes as her ass lit on fire. He wasn’t playing around. If she hadn’t been so up in her own head, she would have gauged his mood better. Work and the daily grind had her so stressed out she couldn’t even sleep these days.

“I’m sorry, Master. I just have too much to do to scene right now,” she managed to spit out in a placating tone.

“I had intended to ask you how I could help, but you didn’t want the easy way. Your defiance showed me that.” He tossed her, belly first, onto the bed then held her in place with one hand while he reached into the toy cabinet for a bundle of rope.

His manhandling had the usual effect, but at the moment the wetness between her legs only pissed her off. He knew exactly how to send her body zinging, but her mind was on overload. The stress she’d endured the last few weeks had her emotional walls built tall and strong.

While he was distracted by his search, she brought her knees up to scramble off the bed. In one smooth motion, he flattened her to the mattress and climbed up beside her. He grabbed her hands and slid his body over her thighs. In no time, he had her hands tied.

“Now behave or I’ll hog tie you.”

With a sigh, she lay still knowing she couldn’t possibly escape with him laying on her. She was only grateful he’d tied her hands above her instead of behind her back.

“Clearly, you need a heavy hand tonight.” He pulled a paddle from the shelf and without any preamble he began to strike her already red ass cheeks. “You need a lesson in enemy recognition.” His melodic voice was calm as he delivered blow after blow to her sore butt.

“We’re a team, you and I. Us against the world. You will not block me out. I’m here to help you whether it’s with chores or to let off some steam.”

Her ass fucking hurt and the tears started to flow. She cried as if her tear damn had burst and there was no way to stop it. The iceberg that she seemed to live in these days began to melt away. Days of frustration were washed away along with her emotional barriers.

Why had she taken it out on him? He wasn’t the problem.

“We’re stronger together sweetheart. I understand why you need your walls up at work. You’re in a rough spot right now. But here, between the two of us, there will be no walls. “Do you understand me?”

She sniffled and wiped her tears on the bed sheets. “Yes, Master.”

“Good.” He slid the paddle back into the toy cabinet. He took her by the arm and helped her stand. “Stay here,” he ordered.

She obeyed, without a single thought of defiance.

He returned with a wet washrag. He washed her face and kissed her forehead. “Take your spot and kneel toward the kitchen.”

In the great room, she took her place on the pillow he’d tossed on the floor. Instead of facing his chair, as usual, she turned slightly so she could see all the things that only moments ago had seemed so terribly important.

“Good girl,” he praised her as he walked into the kitchen and retrieved the broom. “You’re going to stay there and watch.”

Her stomach dropped. Her Master never swept. It wasn’t that he was lazy or anything. He simply did other things, things she couldn’t do or hated to do.

“You don’t need to sweep. I can do that later.” At the moment, she didn’t care if the floor ever got cleaned. The heat from her ass had migrated to her pussy and she needed attention.

“I’m capable of helping with the cleaning, my angel.” He ignored her protests and continued to sweep.

Tears began to flow again. “I know.”

He bent down and scooped the pile into the dust pan and threw it away. “If you need help, ask.”

She bowed her head. She’d never doubted that he’d help, she just hadn’t considered asking him. “Yes, Master.”

He walked to the couch and spun her around to face him. Her eyes grew wide when she noticed he still had the broom. This wasn’t going to bode well for her.

Her Master took the broom in both hands and broke it over his knee. He tossed the bristle end toward the garage and slid the remaining portion between the crook of her arms. The position forced her to arch her back and thrust her breasts forward.

His casual display of strength set her heart pounding.

“What else do you need to do tonight?” he asked, running his finger along her jaw.

“Serve my Master.”

He smiled down at her. “Good answer, my angel, but you know that’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t want to think about chores right now,” she complained.

“And that is the best answer.” He kissed her soundly. He put his hands on her shoulders to steady her. “Stand up. We’re headed to the playroom.”

Terrible, yet wonderful, things happened in his private dungeon. Her legs felt shaky as he led her down the hallway. As soon as she entered the room she knew he had a plan. Ropes dangled from a pulley attached to the ceiling. He placed her underneath them. “Kneel here.”

He took a set of cuffs from the closet and attached them to her ankles. The familiar warmth did little to calm her runaway heart. She heard the turn of the pulley and felt tugging along the broom handle and at her feet. Oh God!

“Now I know you won’t be going anywhere.” He caressed the curve of her breast. “I do love what this position does to your tits. I believe some jewelry is in order.”

She hoped he chose a pair of nooses. Of the choices they owned, they were definitely the most comfortable. As soon as she heard the jangle of chains, she knew she was screwed.

“Since you want the hard way tonight, we’ll go with clover clamps.” He bent down and rolled her nipples. He pulled and tugged until she moaned. Her eyes closed and she willed herself to relax as he set the clamps. The bite of the clover edge dug into her tender flesh and she took several deep breaths as her body adjusted to the discomfort.

He went to the closet, grabbed the Hitachi stand and placed it between her legs. “This isn’t what I had envisioned for tonight, but I’m willing to adapt to your needs, my angel. We’re going to play a little game.”

Considering her position and the toys he’d brought out, she knew the game was likely to entail forced orgasms. While one orgasm was great and even two was good, more than that and it turned into it’s own form of torture. She began to wish she hadn’t ignored his first command.

“Am I going to like this game, Master?” she asked, cautiously.

“Probably not.” He chuckled. “You’re going to suck me off while the Hitachi sits on your clit. Each time you come, I’m going to tighten the clamps so keep that in mind.”

She knew better than to argue. He wouldn’t change his mind and he’d likely make it even harder on her.

He pulled his shirt over his head then toed off his shoes, removed his socks and dropped his pants. “Are you comfortable, my love?”

She chuckled. “No.”

“I’m so glad.”

She groaned. His casual acceptance of his sadistic streak hit her straight in the pussy.  He was going to kill her. She was already primed and in desperate need of release, but knowing he planned to tighten the clamps added a layer of anxiety – which, honestly, fueled her desire even further.

He fisted her hair and directed her mouth to his cock as he used the foot peddle to activate the vibrator. Each time he pulled her forward the chain between the clamps swung sending fire directly to her clit.

Devil device. That was her nickname for the damn Hitachi. It was surely created by Satan himself. She focused on her Master’s cock, determined to drive him to distraction as fast as humanly possible. But try as she might to keep her mind off her own spiraling need, her body refused to shut it out.

Seconds turned to minutes and her muscles tensed as the explosion grew imminent. The ropes and pulley were the only thing keeping her from losing her balance as the orgasm hit her like a tidal wave.

Her release was heavenly, but as the haze of bliss began to clear, the vibration on her clit was way too strong. She tried to wiggle away, yet it was impossible. Her range of movement was confined by the broken broom handle and ropes.

“Focus, angel,” he said, sternly. “I want your sensitive clit to be tortured. Feel how hard I am? That’s all you, baby girl. Knowing you’ll be especially tender tomorrow feeds my desire.”

Damn him. He knew exactly what to say to send her back into the zone.

“It’s building again, isn’t it?” He chuckled, arrogantly. “Looks like it’s time to tighten these clamps.”

She’d had a fleeting hope that he’d forget. She should have known better. When it came to scening with her, he never forgot a single thing.

She heard the foot peddle click ratcheting the vibrator to the next level as he turned the dial on first one clamp and then the other. The excruciating bite took her breath away and took her that much closer to her next orgasm. No way. She was going to make him come first.

Swirling her tongue around the head of his cock and sucking hard she elicited a moan from him and her ego soared. She loved stealing a bit of his control. Knowing that she could bring him such pleasure was a point of pride for her. He certainly knew exactly what she needed.

“Oh, you little minx. I see you enjoy testing my staying power.” He sounded like he was speaking between clenched jaws.

Even as hope rose, so did her excitement. Her back muscles were straining which served to remind her she was bound. Her ass had turned into a powerful heat that fed her ever growing need. Her nipples throbbed in time to the rhythm he set and her clit was on a collision course with disaster. She wanted to come, but she knew how intense the sensations would become afterward and since she couldn’t avoid them a feeling of dread formed somewhere near her G spot.

She was going to lose the battle. She was already so close there was no way to avoid it. A trickle of fear skirted down her spine. Oh, God, he’ll tighten the clamps even further. She glanced down and saw her normally pink nipples a dark red and fully engorged. The sight forced her into another orgasm. She screamed around his cock and tried to rock her hips only to find her movements were no longer her own. She was completely at his mercy. Her waning release was suddenly kicked back into high gear as another orgasm tore through her.

From somewhere far away, she heard her Master groan and a sense of satisfaction settled over her as jets of cum shot into her mouth. She gagged slightly as she struggled to swallow his gift.

As awareness began to push through the clouds, she realized he’d kicked the Hitachi away from her pussy and pulled the broom handle from the crook of her arms. The only thing holding her up was the taut ropes at her wrists and ankles.

“I think I’m going to keep your hands restrained while I remove the clamps, my sweet angel. I wouldn’t want you to take my head off.”

The bastard was laughing at her situation proving once again he had a sadistic streak a mile wide.

He removed the first one and blood came rushing back into the tortured peak sending tears to her eyes.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

He chuckled. “Settle down, angel. You know that potty mouth of yours gets me hard. You can’t take another session right now.” He massaged her aching nipple as removed the remaining clamp. Before she could let go with another string of obscenities, he settled his mouth over the battered peak and eased the discomfort to a manageable level. In no time at all he had her untied and cradled in his arms.

“You never cease to amaze me, baby girl,” he told her as he carried her back to their bed.

She was so exhausted she was asleep by the time her head hit the pillow.

As the alarm blared, she noticed the sunshine filling the room. She glanced at the clock and realized she’d slept through the night for the first time in weeks. She gave her Master a kiss on the cheek. Damn, she loved that man.

She walked into the kitchen to make coffee and was stunned to find the dishes washed and put away. She flicked the coffee pot on and headed back to the bedroom. Though she knew it was too much to hope for, she cracked open the door to the laundry and took a quick look inside. Tears sprang to her eyes as she saw the bins empty. He’d stay up and taken care of all of her chores.

She ran to the bedroom and jumped onto the bed. She climbed on top of him and showered him with kisses. “What did I do to deserve you, Master? You’re the most wonderful man in the world.”

“Me? I thought I was a mean, old Dom who took sadistic pleasure in torturing his subbie.”

She loved hearing his arrogant amusement in the tone of voice. “Well, yeah,” she teased, “but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”


Rough Week

It’s been a rough week. We had to say goodbye to our Great Dane, Mickie. Man, it hurts. He’s been my constant companion for the last nine and a half years. He’ll be sorely missed.

My brother also went into the hospital to have his one remaining kidney removed. As I write this, I’m waiting to hear the outcome. We all suspect cancer. The real question is has it spread.

To make matters even harder to handle -my Love and I have been off-kilter for a few months now. As soon as he got back from a long ass trip to New York, our pup started going down him. Most of our time and energy was spent keeping him happy and as healthy as possible. Toss in a job change for me, a visit from the in-laws, and my brother’s failing health and you get stress. Lots of stress.

We’re working on getting our D/s back on track. It’s way too easy for it to take a backseat when life decides to rear its ugly head. It’s a nasty catch 22. Our D/s is like anything else – it needs maintenance. Sometimes it flows smoothly and is  deeply interwoven into our relationship. Sometimes it’s an uphill battle. When you’re falling into bed and happy if you catch four or five hours of sleep, it’s hard enough to make time for a quick romp, let alone a whole scene.

The more time that passes between scenes, the harder it is to push away the stress. Finding the right mindset seems next to impossible when you’re listening to make sure the pup is breathing okay, or in fear of the phone ringing with news you really don’t want to hear.

But it’s worth it. The connection we feel during and after a scene is hard to describe. The intimacy that comes from being vulnerable can’t be found any other way – or at least not for us.

As long as we stay tight, we’ll weather any storm that comes our way.


On and on we go…

It’s nothing new. Every time My Love has to go away for an extended period of time our D/s slows down. It’s never pure vanilla. I don’t think either one of us could go back to that, but the intensity backs way off.

I’m not sure if he has difficulty finding his Dom space when he knows he’s about to fly across the continent or if he worries about me suffering from sub-drop while he’s away.

Once he returns, he’s ready to dive right back in, but I struggle a bit. He’s in tune with me and understands. He still pushes, as is his right, yet it isn’t at the depth he’d probably prefer. One scene at a time, we build the power between us.

Two days after he’d walked back into my arms, we were nearly back on track. My emotions were settled and our scenes were heating up faster than an Arizona summer.

That night our pup, a nine year old Great Dane, took a bad turn. My Love drove him to the vet and we received the long face. He brought our baby boy back home and our attention is now centered on him. We need to make him comfortable and do what we can to hold off the inevitable.

Neither of us feels our normal drive. Our pets are more than pets. They’re part of our chosen family, that small group of beings we prefer to spend our time with – rather than those that share a strand or two of similar DNA.

It’s funny how the amazing sex portion of our D/s helps us deal with day to day stress, but when our heart is being ripped out it isn’t as helpful. I’m not saying we revert back to a vanilla couple. I’m not sure anything could do that. Instead it’s the emotional side of our D/s that brings us the most comfort.

I find a semblance of peace in serving My Love. Whether I serve him through seriously kinky sex or by keeping fresh, sun-tea chilled in the refrigerator, our familiar roles help us cope.

My Love is shouldering the responsibility even though it isn’t his fault. It’s no one’s fault, but someone he loves is in a bad way and he can’t fix it. He can’t change the inevitable. Yet, he isn’t giving up. He’s determined to give our pup as much time as possible. He’s been spending his vacation time coaxing our baby boy to eat, drink and take his meds. He gets up multiple times a night and takes him outside without a single word of complaint.

And in the process, My Love is stealing my broken heart. Watching his gentle care of our pup reminds me of why I offer him my love and my submission each and every day.

Together. As always. We will make it through this.

34 years and we still blunder…

Last Friday, I also received fantastic news about my brother. The experimental treatment he’s on has really made great strides and his test results are looking amazing. Ironically, I received his text while I was sitting in an emergency room in more pain than I can remember going through in a long time.

Thursday, I had a nagging headache. It wouldn’t leave me alone. I wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep it off, but both our kids reached out with issues they wanted to discuss. Fast forward, it’s midnight, my head is screaming and my stomach is decidedly unhappy. I’ve done all I can do parent wise and I try to sleep. My head had other plans. I woke in severe pain several times. I told my Love, I was staying home from work. I didn’t think I could drive there anyway. Since he was taking off the following week, he felt he needed to go in and that playing hookie wasn’t an option. I get it. He’s a stand-up guy. Loyal. Doing what’s right matters to him.

As the day progresses, I get sicker and sicker. I began to think I had stomach flu in addition to the migraine. I kept thinking if it doesn’t let up I’m going to have to go to the doctor. I knew I couldn’t drive and I knew my Love was miles and miles away. I thought about calling another member of my family for a ride. Clearly, I wasn’t thinking properly.

I know I come first. Nothing is more important to my husband than I am.  He tells me this all the time. He makes me repeat it on occasion. I knew if I told him ‘come home’, he would have. I was trying to put his need to finish out the work day ahead of my need for him. Big mistake. Huge.

Our daughter was texting and texting and looking at the screen was killing me, so I explained that I was ill and considering asking for a ride to the doctor. She immediately reached out to my Love. He raced home, got me into the car and off we went.

His anger was palpable. Even through the pain, I knew he was seriously pissed that I hadn’t explained just how sick I was. In my mind, I had, but I had also shared my hope anytime it felt even marginally better. I hadn’t realized just how mixed the signals I was sending really were.

Fast forward – I’m being loaded into the ambulance. I knew he was standing outside the door watching. By that time, fear was coming off him in waves. I’m afraid the image of me inside the back of it would haunt him for a long time. He’s mentioned it a few times already.

The first person I saw when they opened the door was my Love’s face. He stayed with me the entire time, even going down with me for the tests. A couple family members showed up, but he still didn’t leave me side. He is my rock.

Once they finally figured out the chemical concoction to get me feeling as close to ‘normal’ as I ever am, they let me go home. I don’t think I was in the car ten minutes before the lecture set in. We now have a ‘signal word’ much like a safe word that will let him know that he needs to come home immediately. I’m sure we aren’t finished with the conversation. I’m still feeling a bit under the weather and I know he’s treating me with kid gloves. Once they come off, I suspect I’ll get an ass beating I won’t soon forget. Don’t tell him, but I’m mostly looking forward to it. I need the punishment to let go of the guilt of scaring him. The guilt of not telling him I needed him. The guilt over considering calling someone else to take me to the doctor when I know I should have turned to him.

Wednesday will be our 34th wedding anniversary. I guess it doesn’t matter how long you’re together, sometimes there will be blunders.

Teeter Totter

Life is doing its teeter totter BS again. On the high side-His Lucky Day, part of the Sensory Limits Anthology, is now out on Amazon and all the major retailers. It’s been on the bestseller list since the e-version was available for early download, so to say I’m super excited would be an understatement.

On the balanced side of the teeter, work continues to be an issue. My energy for dealing with manufactured drama is dwindling fast. The only positive is that one way or another there will be a resolution in October. The frustrating part is our way of dealing with the daily grind stress is kinky fuckery and we currently have a family member living with us. I had no idea how loud spankings, paddling and other slap-happy events can be. Forget screams of pleasure, the mere action makes enough noise to cause guests to raise their eyebrows. Caning is about the only impact tool that is quiet enough and that’s not a daily use activity – for us anyway.

On the down side, my brother who was seemingly doing very well on the experimental treatment received some devastating news. The tumors in his neck were visibly smaller and he had very few outward side effects. Unfortunately, no one realized tumors were amassing in his kidneys-to the point where they have to be removed. ASAP. Next week he will enter the hospital so they can take him off his heart meds in preparation for surgery. Once he’s stable they will go in and do what’s necessary. The odds aren’t great, but the other options are worse. I hope he has hit the bottom of the totter and starts to swing upward. He’s seriously been through enough.




I’ve been pondering a few things this week. Dangerous, I know.

At what point does a person move from an acquaintance to a friend? I’m on several BDSM boards and there are often posts about ‘coming out’ with friends and family. My question is – if you are in the lifestyle, if it’s a way of life for you, not some kinky fun you enjoy in the bedroom – and your friends don’t know – are they really your friends?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think ‘friends’ need to know what goes on behind closed doors, but if they know nothing about a major component of your personality/life, I wonder if they count as friends. For me, the answer is no they’re not. They are someone I chat with on a superficial level.

A friend is someone I can trust. Someone who has my back and I have theirs. Someone that shares my same values. We don’t have to agree on politics or brand loyalties, but underneath all the fluff, we need to be in sync. I don’t share that with many people.

The biggie for me is respect. If you run down your significant other, we’ll never be friends. This is the person you’re supposed to love above all others. As soon as I hear a phrase such as – ‘you won’t believe what my stupid ________ (bf, gf, wife, husband), did now’, I’m out. People think they’re being funny. They’ll tell you, if you call them on it, they don’t mean it like that… Geez, what’s your problem?

My problem is, it’s hurtful. You’re diminishing how other’s look at your loved one in order to gain something – attention, sympathy, laughs…

Of course there with be times when something happens and you’re confused or hurt by your SO’s actions. But shouldn’t the conversation at least start between the two of you? Your lunch buddies won’t be able to tell you why your (bf, gf, wife, husband) overdrew your checking account or has a questionable picture on their phone. So sharing your laundry with them only serves a negative purpose.

This one person I’ve known for more than half my life thought it was perfectly fine to eat lunch daily with coworker they were attracted to. They had no intentions of taking it beyond a coworker/friend relationship so what could possibly go wrong? I’m sure you can see where this is going. A hell of a lot went wrong. Bashing their respective spouses  turned into a frequent occurrence. Instead of talking to their loved one about an issue, they’d let it fester. They’d chat with their coworker and garner sympathy.  The coworker, who only heard one side of the issues, naturally sided with their ‘friend’ and would converse accordingly. “Why do you put up with that? They shouldn’t treat you that way!”

Then my long time buddy made the fatal mistake. In an argument, they told their spouse what the coworker had said about them. The spouse knew immediately that the coworker had been privy to all their dirty laundry. The spouse felt betrayed (in my opinion – rightfully so). The marriage dissolved.

You may be wondering how we went from telling the difference between a friend and an acquaintance to divorce, but in my warped mind they connect. The road linking them is called trust. The difference between a friend and an acquaintance is the level of trust you have for that person.

The person you give your heart to, should be the person you trust more than anyone else. Period, end of sentence. If something isn’t right between you two, trust them to care enough to listen and to make changes. Trust them to have your back and give them that in return.

See it was a twisty, dirt road, but it did eventually get to the point.

dirt road

Change… Is it good?

Nothing ever stays the same. I know this, but… I don’t always like it.

I’m feeling melancholy today. Mother nature seems to be too. It’s a hazy, blah, kind of day here in what’s widely known as the Valley of the Sun.

My youngest and I have been working at the same company for over a year now. We work in different divisions, but we still found time to eat lunch together a couple of times a week. I enjoyed that time together. We laughed a lot and that got us a few odd stares. By nature, we’re very reserved and quiet unless we’re around people we’re comfortable with. That doesn’t happen often at work.

Last week, he turned in his two week notice. He took a great position with a different company. I’m proud of him and it’s the right move. They’re thrilled to get him. They made that plain, but goodness I’m going to miss him.

It has me wondering if it’s time I look elsewhere too. I rarely stay in one place more than five years. I get bored easily and need new challenges. That’s not the only reason though. Truth be told, I don’t like to form bonds with people. I like to keep it light and superficial. Having my son there helped. Before he started there, I was having lunch a couple of times a week with coworkers. We were getting tighter than I’m comfortable with. Once he started with the company, I was able to pull back and stay out of the ‘lunch click’.

Our two divisions have very little in common. He worked with techno types and I work with researchers. For the most part our two divisions never interacted, which kept our lunches usually just the two of us.

Now there’s nothing holding me there. My day to day job is boring. It isn’t challenging me in the least these days. The big question mark is my co-workers. They’re wonderful. Truly a great bunch of people. I enjoy interacting with them and for me that’s a problem. They’ve tried to include me in social events outside of work hours and I’ve managed to evade them for the most part. I don’t like to become entangled with others. I know that might be hard to understand if you’re the gregarious type. But I seriously find people draining, even the awesome group I work with.

My husband is my focal point. He’s truly the only other person on the planet I’m comfortable spending time with. He’s the opposite of everyone else. He energizes me. My kids are a breath behind him. After that, the rest of my crazy family falls somewhere on a wide outer ring. I love them, would do anything in my power to help them when needed, but I need them at arms reach.

Friends fall somewhere behind that. I’ve been stabbed in the back by friends so often my guard rarely comes down these days.

I’m still in contact with a gal I grew up with. We’ve known each other over forty years. We’ve been together through thick and thin. Yet, she doesn’t understand or condone D/s. She can’t accept it. Our talk everyday, know everything about each other, relationship has turned into a meet once a year for coffee. Literally, once a year.

My closest co-worker stabbed me in the back when she learned about my books. She considered D/s to be disrespectful to women and decided to explain my crimes in a loud voice in a crowded restaurant and when that didn’t get the response she was after, she told everyone who would listen in our workplace. Around the same time, I shared the news of my books being published with my brother. He went behind my back and told my family. Suffice to say, it didn’t go over well with them either.

After all that, I vowed to stop handing people a knife and clear path to my back.  I was much more cautious, but one person got through. I hate to think of myself as an optimist. In my mind that conjures up sappy, perky sort of people that make me shake my head in disgust. Yet, maybe I am. Even though I know better, I keep trying to find people I feel comfortable with.

This person believes in D/s as deeply as we do. So I shared a lot of myself. I thought I had found a kindred soul. Two subbies each needing a safe haven to share ideas and discuss the trials and tribulations assorted with D/s, husbands, kids and life in general. Two maybe three years went by with our bond deepening as each day went by. We didn’t agree on everything, but our core values were the same. A few months ago, that came crashing down. We hit a crossroads and our paths diverged. Once again, I find myself questioning why I let them in, why I thought it would be any different this time.

Which brings me to the question of the day – do I stay in my current job and risk getting closer to these people or do I jump ship?

Hello, job board…

jump ship

Available Now!

Sam hunts a black widow. Will he untangle the web of lies and deceit or will he be her next victim?

Two men, in the prime of their lives, are now dead. The only link is the beautiful, but deadly, Eliza James. Sam Rivers must follow the cold trail of a murderer. His instincts lead him away from the rich widow, though why he couldn’t say. All the evidence points to her guilt. Is he falling into her trap as his fellow agents warned? To unravel the secrets from years gone by, Sam must listen to a voice long dead—one that challenges his view of the mysterious and sexy widow.


Totally Bound


Can’t wait?

Against the Grain is now available for early download through Totally Bound 

Sam hunts a black widow. Will he untangle the web of lies and deceit or will he be her next victim?

Two men, in the prime of their lives, are now dead. The only link is the beautiful, but deadly, Eliza James. Sam Rivers must follow the cold trail of a murderer. His instincts lead him away from the rich widow, though why he couldn’t say. All the evidence points to her guilt. Is he falling into her trap as his fellow agents warned? To unravel the secrets from years gone by, Sam must listen to a voice long dead—one that challenges his view of the mysterious and sexy widow.


Eliza finds the handsome diplomat too good to be true. He reawakens a desire within her that she thought had been lost. Yet their time together has a stopwatch ticking. Knowing that every moment counts, she accepts his bold proposal to explore her sexuality. Through pleasure and pain mingled together, she discovers a hidden strength that could mean the difference between life and death.

Together they must sift through lies and betrayals to unearth the truth before time runs out.

Available for pre-order through Amazon