Other Foot

I just got back from a week long adventure in the wilds of Montana. I was sent there for my day job. Normally, if I’m sent to an offsite location it’s within my home state and I’m sleeping in my own bed that night. Now my husband is sent all over the country a couple times a year. This is the first time the shoe was on the other foot.

My trip was with 35 strangers. We were a mix of males and females ranging in age from college students to grandparents. Half of us, me included, were completely out of our comfort zone. I’m good in the woods or the desert, but I’m not good surrounded with strangers. It’s exhausting to be with strangers that I have to interact with for 14 or 15 hours a day without a break. I had no down time. No time to recharge my batteries.

In addition to my husband being my source of unconditional love and security, he’s also a buffer between me and people. I’m not a gregarious sort. I live in my head. I create mini worlds and I control how they interact. I control the plot, the dialogue and the ending. The real world is all together different. And generally – I’m not a fan.

To me, ‘the public’ is an energy vampire. Being in close confines with others just sucks the life out of me. I was prepared for inclement weather, the back country, long hours and rough conditions. I was not prepared for the toll of being around strangers for a week solid with sleep being my only away time. I came home utterly fried emotionally and physically.

My Love, on the other hand, experienced what it’s like to go about your normal routine with the other half of your soul missing. He’d come home and heat up a meal I’d prepared ahead of time, but he’d eat it alone. He had no one to share his day with. No one to share the chores. Yet, everywhere he looked he was reminded of me and something we created together. He said, if something ever happened to me the house would be on the market in a heartbeat. The memories would eat him alive.

At the end of the week, we both decided we’re no good alone. We’re halves of one whole. I think that’s the way it’s meant to be. We’ve spent everyday of 38 years together except for the occasional solo work trip. Our lives are completely intertwined and that’s the way we like it.

Montana

Birthday approaching

My birthday is fast approaching and my Love has asked me what I’d like as a gift. Frankly, I have no idea. He’s generous to a fault. If I ask for something, he moves heaven and earth to give it to me. I’ve learned over the years to be careful what I express an interest for.

When I struggled to give him a suggestion, he changed his question, “What would you like to do for your birthday?” Again, I have no idea. Of course, we’ll spend the day with the kids, but how? Last year, we played laser tag, shopped and ate lunch at our favorite restaurant. Unfortunately,  I had a serious reaction to the food and spent the rest of the day quite ill.

I don’t want to risk going through that again. During the past year, I had an injury to my arm and laser tag is out. Shopping was quite fun, though. The kids were silly  and we picked out the worst outfits we could find and had each other try them on. Oh, how we laughed. We had such fun, I hate to try and recreate it knowing it would surely fall flat against the memory.

Which leaves me back at square one.

At least I know how the evening will end – kinky fuckery at its finest. My Love will no doubt think of something delightfully torturous and I’m really looking forward to every minute of it.

Home sick today

But I’m putting the time to good use. I’ve written a couple thousands words in my new story for the Master’s Touch series. Here’s a small excerpt.

“I want to strip you bare then spank and crop your ass. I’ll flog your back and shoulders until they’re striped a rosy pink. Then fuck you. Right out here in the open where everyone can see your glistening wetness drip from my cock as I pound in and out of you.”

Pretty bold statement considering he just met Nikki less than an hour ago. Tyler is shaping up to be a very interesting character. I can’t wait to see where he takes this story!

Celebrity Hallpass

aka – hey, babe, you’re good enough for everyday use, but if I have the opportunity to experience that – I’m outta here.

Is that the message I want to send to my spouse? Absolutely not. I love and adore him. I would never want to undermine his self-confidence in that way.

I had this discussion the other day with my brother. He told me to ‘lighten up, Francis’ it’s a joke.

Well, no it’s not. Was his intention to subconsciously tell his wife she’s a place holder until something better comes along? No. He loves his wife very much. I don’t think he would do anything that he thought would hurt her.

This is the same brother that goes to strip clubs fairly often with ‘the boys’. Another topic we argue about. He tells me I need to grow up. Bawhahahahaha. If only he knew! I tell him he’s showing his wife that she doesn’t do it for him anymore and that if he wants to see something hot he has to go pay for it.

He laughs and tells me, ‘I’m a prude’. Silly boy. When My Love and I are at ‘our’ club we see so much more than what’s allowed to take place in a strip club. The difference is My Love and I don’t go there alone to view the opposite sex. We go there together to have a sexual experience using equipment that we can’t disguise as something else.

We go there for fellowship – although he could argue the same thing. He is there with ‘his boys’ catching up and shooting the shit. How they can do that considering the music volume is another question I’ll never have answered.

He sees a hallpass or his strip club visits as harmless. I see them as detrimental. His wife has had a tummy tuck, liposuction and a boob job. Are the two related? I think so. My brother would surely argue they aren’t. I’m not walking in their shoes. I’m only an outsider looking in, but the two seem connected from my view.

Thoughts?

Escapism is my friend

I’m still feeling the loss of my pup. I tear up all the time. I can still see him sitting his rump on my couch – because he knew his feet weren’t allowed up there and I still find myself bending down to give him a treat or saying, “mommy loves her boys – be good,” as I head off to work. But there is only one boy now.

I knew I needed to lose myself in a new story, but I had to finish His to Own. I wanted the three stories previously published in the Master’s Touch series to be back on the market, before I started writing the fourth. It took a long time to reverse the changes the publisher had made, but I finally uploaded it to Amazon this afternoon. It is probably my favorite of that series so far and I enjoyed going back through it, but there’s nothing like creating a new story.

The characters will share their story in bits and pieces. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and finally understand why this person did this or said that. It’s so cool when all the pieces finally fit together. It can’t fill the void of losing my pup, but it can help me escape for a while.

In the couple of hours I’ve been working on it, I’m at a little over two thousand words. I have a long journey ahead, with twists and turns and I’m sure the characters will throw me a curve of their own before it’s completed, but it feels good to be excited about something.

If you haven’t visited the world of Master’s Touch, you can find it here. The third book, His to Own, should be available shortly.

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Busy Busy

You might have notices some changes with my website. Since the issue with my previous publisher is now completed, I decided to revamp the look and feel of things. I feel as if I’ve shed a heavy coat and walked into the sunshine. Hope you like it!

I spent yesterday with a houseful of people and being the introvert that I am, after a few hours of that, I needed to escape for a while. I pulled out my jewelry makings and got busy.  I figure making nipple nooses isn’t any different than whipping out your phone and scrolling through half a dozen messages, Facebook and so forth.

I was still able to chat and take part in the fun, but I was productive as well. 20180702_084826

https://www.etsy.com/shop/DesiredDiscipline

Finding the new norm

We lost our Great Dane a short time ago. He was my constant companion and I’m still devastated. We’re spending a ton of time with our one remaining pup, Duncan. He’s actually my son’s dog, but my son has moved on and Duncan is still here, so…

Duncan misses his big brother. He’s a corgi mix and loved to live underneath my Great Dane. I used to call them my high-boy and my low-boy. They were quite a pair.

We’re all adjusting. I’m throwing myself into training Duncan and writing. Since I regained the rights to my Master’s Touch series, I’ve been working on restoring them to the way I had wanted them. The first two are out – The One and Only and All Grown Up. I’m working on His To Own.

My soon to be son-in-law created the book covers. I love the design. He does such great work. If you’re in the market for web design, help with your brand or anything like that – check out his website at katz-concepts.com or shoot him an email at ryan@katz-concepts.com IMG-20180602-WA0000

Once I’ve got His to Own finished, I’m going to start on a new project – Tyler Jones’s story. He first appeared in The One and Only and made a brief appearance in All Grown Up. He’s a police officer just beginning to explore the lifestyle. He meets his honey at the new member orientation for Cat Tails, an exclusive BDSM club. As they go through the classes together, their relationship builds. She’s a complicated lady, a good friend, but pretty naive. She trusts when she shouldn’t and definitely needs a lesson or two in enemy recognition. I’m excited to start writing!

When reality starts weighing too heavily on me, I always escape to a world of my own. It gives me time to find a way to deal with everything. Thankfully, my Love understands and encourages me.

https://tinyurl.com/y79ogyo2

amazon.com/author/toricarson

 

Looking for something to read?

After a long fight with my publisher, my rights have been restored and the author’s edition of All Grown Up is now available!
Can lightning strike twice? Steven isn’t sure he wants it to. When Belle left him, his life crumbled to pieces. He’d lost his job, his place and worst yet his confidence. That’s something no Dom could afford to lose. After he’d exhausted his resources and still couldn’t find her, he’d moved on.

Now, Belle’s back and she’d come searching for him. Steven wonders if her plan is to ruin him for good.

Cover by Katz Concepts

Check out his website at katz-concepts.com or shoot him an email at ryan@katz-concepts.com

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Rough Week

It’s been a rough week. We had to say goodbye to our Great Dane, Mickie. Man, it hurts. He’s been my constant companion for the last nine and a half years. He’ll be sorely missed.

My brother also went into the hospital to have his one remaining kidney removed. As I write this, I’m waiting to hear the outcome. We all suspect cancer. The real question is has it spread.

To make matters even harder to handle -my Love and I have been off-kilter for a few months now. As soon as he got back from a long ass trip to New York, our pup started going down him. Most of our time and energy was spent keeping him happy and as healthy as possible. Toss in a job change for me, a visit from the in-laws, and my brother’s failing health and you get stress. Lots of stress.

We’re working on getting our D/s back on track. It’s way too easy for it to take a backseat when life decides to rear its ugly head. It’s a nasty catch 22. Our D/s is like anything else – it needs maintenance. Sometimes it flows smoothly and is  deeply interwoven into our relationship. Sometimes it’s an uphill battle. When you’re falling into bed and happy if you catch four or five hours of sleep, it’s hard enough to make time for a quick romp, let alone a whole scene.

The more time that passes between scenes, the harder it is to push away the stress. Finding the right mindset seems next to impossible when you’re listening to make sure the pup is breathing okay, or in fear of the phone ringing with news you really don’t want to hear.

But it’s worth it. The connection we feel during and after a scene is hard to describe. The intimacy that comes from being vulnerable can’t be found any other way – or at least not for us.

As long as we stay tight, we’ll weather any storm that comes our way.

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Happy Dancing all over the house!

It’s time. There were days when I wondered if it would ever happen again. The One and Only is available for sale. After an incredibly long dispute with the original publisher, I own the rights again. I also put the book back to the way I had wanted it in the first place.

I’m done with editors who don’t understand a single thing about the lifestyle telling me how to ‘correct’ my story. I could write a 10k page book on some of the absurd changes I’ve been told to make over the years. My family and friends duck for cover when it’s editing time. I’ll stare my computer and scream random phrases – What do you mean that’s impossible? Have you ever had sex before? Independent body part? Eff you! It’s written in her POV for heaven’s sake. On and on it goes until ‘my editor’ is as frustrated with me as I am with them and then they turn me over to a group that is supposed to look for only the grammatical errors. Of course, you’ll get one or two of them that have to comment on the content and the fun starts all over again. By the time it’s done my head is ready to explode.

This one is all mine. For better or for worse.  amazon.com/author/toricarson

TheOneAndOnly_BookCover_V2

The cover was done by my soon to be son-in-law. I absolutely LOVE his work. If you’re publishing a book, please consider working with him. Unlike my previous art designers, he actually listens to my ideas. I wanted something elegant, romantic and a touch dark. I wanted the Dom to be the focal point. We discussed the story line and plot of each book. After that, I turned him loose and hoped for the best.

He came up with the series design and matched each cover to the individual stories. Small details, I hadn’t noticed at first, such as the type of plants that run along the top are specific to plot elements. I am very impressed with his work. The covers are amazing and I couldn’t be happier. He’s awesome. If you’re self publishing – give him a shot. You’ll love him.

Check out his website at katz-concepts.com or shoot him an email at ryan@katz-concepts.com

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