Teeter Totter

Life is doing its teeter totter BS again. On the high side-His Lucky Day, part of the Sensory Limits Anthology, is now out on Amazon and all the major retailers. It’s been on the bestseller list since the e-version was available for early download, so to say I’m super excited would be an understatement.

On the balanced side of the teeter, work continues to be an issue. My energy for dealing with manufactured drama is dwindling fast. The only positive is that one way or another there will be a resolution in October. The frustrating part is our way of dealing with the daily grind stress is kinky fuckery and we currently have a family member living with us. I had no idea how loud spankings, paddling and other slap-happy events can be. Forget screams of pleasure, the mere action makes enough noise to cause guests to raise their eyebrows. Caning is about the only impact tool that is quiet enough and that’s not a daily use activity – for us anyway.

On the down side, my brother who was seemingly doing very well on the experimental treatment received some devastating news. The tumors in his neck were visibly smaller and he had very few outward side effects. Unfortunately, no one realized tumors were amassing in his kidneys-to the point where they have to be removed. ASAP. Next week he will enter the hospital so they can take him off his heart meds in preparation for surgery. Once he’s stable they will go in and do what’s necessary. The odds aren’t great, but the other options are worse. I hope he has hit the bottom of the totter and starts to swing upward. He’s seriously been through enough.

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August 8th!

Sensory Limits Anthology

Yes or No by Ashe Barker

Be careful what you wish for… What’s your darkest fantasy? It can’t do any harm, can it? A bit of not-so-innocent private fun. No one need ever know…

Dark and Dirty Dreams—What’s your darkest fantasy?

Design your perfect BDSM scene, as sensual as you like, as intense as you can bear. We can bring it to life for you.

There’s no harm in just filing in the form, is there? It’s only a bit of harmless escapism, a sexy fantasy. The advert is tempting, though.

A strictly vicarious lover of the BDSM lifestyle, Martha never really means to hit send. A couple of forays into spanking and a spot of lacklustre bondage haven’t quite managed to ignite her curiosity about the dark art of submission, but they haven’t entirely extinguished it, either. It’s there, gnawing away at the back of her mind, a dream of what could be, if only…

Martha craves sensation. She yearns for intensity, for a touch to make her skin tingle and her nerve-endings sizzle, a caress to make her scream and demand her surrender. And that’s the problem. She’s a cautious soul and no pain slut. She’s not about to hand herself over to some ham-fisted Dom and trust to luck again.

So when she learns she is one of the winners who are to be offered the chance to play out the scene from her kinky imaginings to the letter, she can’t believe her luck. The only condition? The organisers reserve the right to select the Dom, one skilled in the specifics of Martha’s personal fantasy and the scene must be played out in public.

Yes or No?

Cruise Control by Elizabeth Coldwell

If she does everything he demands, this will be a vacation to remember.

Lily Jameson has always hated the idea of going on a cruise. As far as she’s concerned, they’re something you do when you’ve retired. So when her husband Daniel surprises her with tickets for a cruise down the River Seine, she isn’t impressed. What she doesn’t realize is that he’s planned the trip as an opportunity for them to act out their Dom/sub relationship in a semi-public setting, and he’s going to control every aspect of the trip, from the clothes she packs to their activities onboard ship.

As the three-day holiday progresses, Daniel’s BDSM sessions grow ever more inventive. With the help of improvised toys, he engages her in sensation play and introduces her to sex in the open air. What he has in mind for the final night of the holiday will test her to her limits, but can he open her eyes to the hidden pleasures of cruising?

Reader Advisory: This book contains public nudity and anal play.

Just You & Me by Wendi Zwaduk

What’s a girl to do when she’s not ready to leave the single life but the right man has come along with a collar?

Ryder Lucas didn’t come to Exposed, looking for a sub. He joined his best friend’s club to demonstrate fetishes and enjoy the single life. Then he sees Cat and uses her for a scene. She’s everything he’s ever wanted in a sub and a woman. He won’t rest until the blonde bombshell is his.

Catharina ‘Cat’ McLean doesn’t want a permanent Master. She’s happy taking part in the occasional scene but won’t be collared. She’d rather be in control of her life. When Ryder asks her to be a part of a scene with him, she sees no reason to refuse. He’s tall, dark, handsome and she can’t resist him. He knows how to play with her fetishes—wax, ice and bondage—but is she willing to submit to him on a full-time basis?

Who knew finding a heart’s desire would be this all-consuming?

Reader Advisory: This book contains scenes of ice play, wax play, pain play.

His Lucky Day by Tori Carson

KT thought a quick romp in the forest with Stephen would vanquish him from her dreams, instead, their untamed passion ignites a fire neither can control.

Stephen was instantly attracted to the exotic KT Riley. Though she makes her desire for him clear, Stephen considers her forbidden fruit. His sexual passions aren’t for the faint of heart so he refuses to mix business with pleasure. When they become stranded together in the forest, the chemistry between them is more than he can resist.

KT is a woman on a mission. Seduce the handsome game warden who has been destroying her concentration and get him out of her system once and for all. Her plan was foolproof except for two small miscalculations. The man isn’t the forgettable type and the sex goes beyond physical gratification.  It’s all consuming—a craving from which she’ll never break free.

Bound to Happen by Zoë Mullins

Jaymie knows better than to date her best friend’s brother, but there is no way she can keep the sexy Dom in the ‘friend-zone’.

You don’t date your best friend’s brother. At least not without prior permission from said friend.

Jaymie left Port Ellis for the big city, but she remained a townie at heart. Pinching pennies and clipping coupons, she and her best friend Melissa have enough cash to move home and open The Mudhouse Café. But where there is Mel, there is her sexy, older brother Maxwell who Jaymie has been crushing on since high school.

When Jaymie discovers Maxwell is Master M, the online Dom she’s been chatting with for months, her first thought is ‘yippee’ then reality hits. She can’t risk her friendship with Mel just to date Maxwell. She should keep him in the friend-zone but she is destined to be in his bed and under his kinky control.

Maxwell’s divorce offers him a new beginning in his hometown and the freedom to explore what it means to be a Dom. He never guessed his online submissive, Jay, was his little sister’s best friend. She is almost like family and she should be off limits. But he’s done denying what he wants, and what he wants right now is Jaymie in his bed, preferably tied to each corner.

It may have taken them years to get to this point, but it was always bound to happen.

Reader Advisory: This book contains anal play.

Black Ice by Fara Allegro

Jaye Ripley gets more than free tickets on daretospankme.com. Jack Blackhurst banters hard and talks dirty. Is she ready for harsh treatment?

Jaye Ripley’s lurked on daretospankme.com for longer than she’s ready to admit. With a straight-laced upbringing and an ex-partner disaster in her past, this principled college tutor has hidden yearnings for domination.

When she encounters the offer of free concert tickets online from BlackRunSkiFreakDom, she clicks reply on impulse. That night, their intense banter holds Jaye captive. Dark, handsome Jack Blackhurst inspires new, exhilarating urges in her and not just because of his smoldering looks. She agrees to go to his place, even though she’s crossing boundary lines, but his magnetism is more debilitating than super-strength absinthe.

Jack is not the boring back doctor most would imagine from his Harley Street Chiropractor profession. He’s a high-flying consultant to an elite VIP clientele. Yet his kink preferences are as confidentially guarded as his client list—as is the secret naughty nook in his renovated attic.

This Doctor Dom has Jaye in raptures. There are sensations from feathers to ice and candle-play. In his kink-furbed playroom, Jaye feels like she’s finally reached her fantasy pleasure peak. Who knew a Doctor Dom could be this freeing?

But in the morning Jaye receives the cold-shoulder treatment. She’s shoved into a cab like a seedy secret with threats of repercussions from kissing and telling. She’s irritated as hell when her mind returns to that stellar night. But a run-in with black ice might mean Jaye hasn’t seen the back of Jack quite yet!

Reader Advisory: This book contains candle play.

General Release Date: 19th September 2017

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Interesting Weekend

Life can be a fickle bitch, but she has a sense of humor. Just when you’re used to her shitting all over you, she throws you a rose. Or in my case the sweetest branch of thorns I’ve ever had.

A situation arose that placed a heavier emphasis on our D/s than usual. The ‘situation’ was the typical shit life likes to dish out, but my Love turned it around for us. Instead of just accepting what was headed our way, it became a crazy, wonderful weekend that set a new tone for our relationship.

As we worked through the ‘situation’ we tried several new things this weekend. Some we will incorporate and others will be tossed aside, but all garnered valuable information. The debriefing after each scene is so so important. It helps us alleviate misconceptions that have happened in the past. It also allows us to figure out why something pushes our buttons.

One activity we tried, started out great. I grew wet as need thrummed through me. My Love figured we had a winner on our hands, but about fifteen minutes into the scene there was a side effect that left me cold. As my attention was drawn away from the erotic aspect, pain became simply pain and what had been enticing just moments before was suddenly annoying as hell . He noticed immediately, but rather than completely stop the scene he rolled with it. He changed a few things and got us back on track.

Afterward when we were discussing what went wrong, his initial impression was off. He thought I was upset by the essence of the scene. If we hadn’t talked – openly and honestly – he might have taken that type of play off the table completely. I’m so glad we are able to communicate, even about the tough stuff. During our conversation, we learned a little more about what takes me deeper into the submissive zone. It’s crazy that after thirty plus years together, we’re still discovering new stuff.

Yeah, life is good.

Happy Birthday, My Love

Hey Handsome Man,

Today is your birthday! As we hit another milestone, I can’t help but think back through our 38 years together. Remember all those nights we spent talking on the phone till the sun would peek through the window? I still remember you sneaking into my room to wake me with a good morning kiss before we headed off to school. Considering my father, that took some major balls. Man, I wouldn’t trade those memories for a million dollars.

Our years together haven’t all been sunshine and roses though. We’ve wandered down the wrong path more than once. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your willingness to talk to me when you’re not happy and when I come to you with something you always listen, truly listen, and strive to find a compromise. That means the world to me.

Agreeing to be your wife and then years later when all the puzzle pieces fell into place, your submissive, was the best decision I’ve ever made. You truly are my life and my reason for being. Love you!

Happy Birthday.

Long Hot Summer

It’s been a long and sometimes truly frightening day. Shortly after lunch, there was talk around the office of a wildfire nearby and headed toward us. It had already closed two highways and was spreading fast. It was a slow day for me so I decided to head home. Thank goodness. At times, the flames were six to eight feet from my car. I called back to the office and told them they needed to leave. And leave now. Within minutes they closed and my coworkers joined the conga line of traffic trying to reach safe roads and a clear route home. Airplanes were flying overhead dropping retardant. Smoke made it difficult to see.

As I write this, my son has made it home, but my husband is still mired in traffic from the closures. Shortly after I got home, another highway closed making passage in our out of our rural area extremely difficult. The last news updates said the fire was growing fast. It jumped from three acres to fifty in what seemed a blink of an eye. I have no idea its current size.

Temperatures have been staying around 117-119 this past week. My heart and prayers go out the firefighters. I can’t imagine working outdoors in those temperatures, add to that the heat and danger of the fire… Scary stuff.

Here’s hoping the fire departments have the resources to deal with what surely lays ahead.

 

Lucky Girl!

I’m beginning to think life is never going to give me a chance to be bored again. It keeps throwing me balls even though I stepped out of the batter’s box long ago. Work is a hot mess. It used to be my social outlet, my chance to interact with people outside of my family. Now it’s just a hornet’s nest. My Love told me it’s time to move on and I’ve taken steps in that direction. We’ll see how it all washes out.

My brother is doing remarkably well with the experimental treatment. They’ve tripled the dose once and plan to do so again next week. My fingers stay in a perpetual knot that he and his doctor’s are on the right course. I’m not nearly as convinced as they are, but the alphabet soup after their names outrank mine.

Except for work, things had seemed to be looking up. Then I got a late night call from our daughter. Her SO fell down their stairs. It was a tense few days. Three broken and compressed vertebra, lots of pain and tons of prayers, he’s back home and expected to recover.

In the middle of all this, My Love stayed on my ass to finish the story for the anthology I was asked to participate in. While he was driving us to and from the hospital, he’d hand me a notepad and tell me to get busy. He even took notation when I had my hands full and couldn’t finish my chores and write at the same time. He is nothing short of amazing.

This weekend we needed to stay close to home.  Instead of sitting around watching TV or some other ‘de-stressing’ activity, he decided to work on his ‘to-do’ list. We’re trying to take our home in a more mid century modern direction. We found the perfect couch and setee about six months ago, but the side tables had us stumped. Nothing we found fit our style. At the hardwood store, we found the perfect woods. We wanted a variety of tones so we went with machiche, walnut and pear woods.  Then drew up plans for our own custom made tables. From there the project stalled. Until now. He pulled the equipment from the shed, dusted it off and went to work.

Of the three tables, one is almost completed. The other two are in various stages. Plus, he found time for us to scene not once, or twice, but four times. Four bone melting, ‘thank gawd we don’t have neighbors close enough to report the screams’, scenes. Yeah, I’m a very lucky girl.

Friends…

I’ve been pondering a few things this week. Dangerous, I know.

At what point does a person move from an acquaintance to a friend? I’m on several BDSM boards and there are often posts about ‘coming out’ with friends and family. My question is – if you are in the lifestyle, if it’s a way of life for you, not some kinky fun you enjoy in the bedroom – and your friends don’t know – are they really your friends?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think ‘friends’ need to know what goes on behind closed doors, but if they know nothing about a major component of your personality/life, I wonder if they count as friends. For me, the answer is no they’re not. They are someone I chat with on a superficial level.

A friend is someone I can trust. Someone who has my back and I have theirs. Someone that shares my same values. We don’t have to agree on politics or brand loyalties, but underneath all the fluff, we need to be in sync. I don’t share that with many people.

The biggie for me is respect. If you run down your significant other, we’ll never be friends. This is the person you’re supposed to love above all others. As soon as I hear a phrase such as – ‘you won’t believe what my stupid ________ (bf, gf, wife, husband), did now’, I’m out. People think they’re being funny. They’ll tell you, if you call them on it, they don’t mean it like that… Geez, what’s your problem?

My problem is, it’s hurtful. You’re diminishing how other’s look at your loved one in order to gain something – attention, sympathy, laughs…

Of course there with be times when something happens and you’re confused or hurt by your SO’s actions. But shouldn’t the conversation at least start between the two of you? Your lunch buddies won’t be able to tell you why your (bf, gf, wife, husband) overdrew your checking account or has a questionable picture on their phone. So sharing your laundry with them only serves a negative purpose.

This one person I’ve known for more than half my life thought it was perfectly fine to eat lunch daily with coworker they were attracted to. They had no intentions of taking it beyond a coworker/friend relationship so what could possibly go wrong? I’m sure you can see where this is going. A hell of a lot went wrong. Bashing their respective spouses  turned into a frequent occurrence. Instead of talking to their loved one about an issue, they’d let it fester. They’d chat with their coworker and garner sympathy.  The coworker, who only heard one side of the issues, naturally sided with their ‘friend’ and would converse accordingly. “Why do you put up with that? They shouldn’t treat you that way!”

Then my long time buddy made the fatal mistake. In an argument, they told their spouse what the coworker had said about them. The spouse knew immediately that the coworker had been privy to all their dirty laundry. The spouse felt betrayed (in my opinion – rightfully so). The marriage dissolved.

You may be wondering how we went from telling the difference between a friend and an acquaintance to divorce, but in my warped mind they connect. The road linking them is called trust. The difference between a friend and an acquaintance is the level of trust you have for that person.

The person you give your heart to, should be the person you trust more than anyone else. Period, end of sentence. If something isn’t right between you two, trust them to care enough to listen and to make changes. Trust them to have your back and give them that in return.

See it was a twisty, dirt road, but it did eventually get to the point.

dirt road

Change… Is it good?

Nothing ever stays the same. I know this, but… I don’t always like it.

I’m feeling melancholy today. Mother nature seems to be too. It’s a hazy, blah, kind of day here in what’s widely known as the Valley of the Sun.

My youngest and I have been working at the same company for over a year now. We work in different divisions, but we still found time to eat lunch together a couple of times a week. I enjoyed that time together. We laughed a lot and that got us a few odd stares. By nature, we’re very reserved and quiet unless we’re around people we’re comfortable with. That doesn’t happen often at work.

Last week, he turned in his two week notice. He took a great position with a different company. I’m proud of him and it’s the right move. They’re thrilled to get him. They made that plain, but goodness I’m going to miss him.

It has me wondering if it’s time I look elsewhere too. I rarely stay in one place more than five years. I get bored easily and need new challenges. That’s not the only reason though. Truth be told, I don’t like to form bonds with people. I like to keep it light and superficial. Having my son there helped. Before he started there, I was having lunch a couple of times a week with coworkers. We were getting tighter than I’m comfortable with. Once he started with the company, I was able to pull back and stay out of the ‘lunch click’.

Our two divisions have very little in common. He worked with techno types and I work with researchers. For the most part our two divisions never interacted, which kept our lunches usually just the two of us.

Now there’s nothing holding me there. My day to day job is boring. It isn’t challenging me in the least these days. The big question mark is my co-workers. They’re wonderful. Truly a great bunch of people. I enjoy interacting with them and for me that’s a problem. They’ve tried to include me in social events outside of work hours and I’ve managed to evade them for the most part. I don’t like to become entangled with others. I know that might be hard to understand if you’re the gregarious type. But I seriously find people draining, even the awesome group I work with.

My husband is my focal point. He’s truly the only other person on the planet I’m comfortable spending time with. He’s the opposite of everyone else. He energizes me. My kids are a breath behind him. After that, the rest of my crazy family falls somewhere on a wide outer ring. I love them, would do anything in my power to help them when needed, but I need them at arms reach.

Friends fall somewhere behind that. I’ve been stabbed in the back by friends so often my guard rarely comes down these days.

I’m still in contact with a gal I grew up with. We’ve known each other over forty years. We’ve been together through thick and thin. Yet, she doesn’t understand or condone D/s. She can’t accept it. Our talk everyday, know everything about each other, relationship has turned into a meet once a year for coffee. Literally, once a year.

My closest co-worker stabbed me in the back when she learned about my books. She considered D/s to be disrespectful to women and decided to explain my crimes in a loud voice in a crowded restaurant and when that didn’t get the response she was after, she told everyone who would listen in our workplace. Around the same time, I shared the news of my books being published with my brother. He went behind my back and told my family. Suffice to say, it didn’t go over well with them either.

After all that, I vowed to stop handing people a knife and clear path to my back.  I was much more cautious, but one person got through. I hate to think of myself as an optimist. In my mind that conjures up sappy, perky sort of people that make me shake my head in disgust. Yet, maybe I am. Even though I know better, I keep trying to find people I feel comfortable with.

This person believes in D/s as deeply as we do. So I shared a lot of myself. I thought I had found a kindred soul. Two subbies each needing a safe haven to share ideas and discuss the trials and tribulations assorted with D/s, husbands, kids and life in general. Two maybe three years went by with our bond deepening as each day went by. We didn’t agree on everything, but our core values were the same. A few months ago, that came crashing down. We hit a crossroads and our paths diverged. Once again, I find myself questioning why I let them in, why I thought it would be any different this time.

Which brings me to the question of the day – do I stay in my current job and risk getting closer to these people or do I jump ship?

Hello, job board…

jump ship

Available Now!

Sam hunts a black widow. Will he untangle the web of lies and deceit or will he be her next victim?

Two men, in the prime of their lives, are now dead. The only link is the beautiful, but deadly, Eliza James. Sam Rivers must follow the cold trail of a murderer. His instincts lead him away from the rich widow, though why he couldn’t say. All the evidence points to her guilt. Is he falling into her trap as his fellow agents warned? To unravel the secrets from years gone by, Sam must listen to a voice long dead—one that challenges his view of the mysterious and sexy widow.

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Roller Coaster

Wednesday was a great day. When our daughter received a well deserved promotion and a huge raise we were certainly cresting the top of the ride. As is always the case on a roller coaster, the drop was just around the bend.

Thursday I had a pretty severe reaction to a medication I was taking. It wasn’t a fun day and it scared the hell out of my Love. Poor guy. Being a dominant it is very difficult for him to sit idly by while something is happening to me.

Friday was better. I was still in a fog from everything, but our son had an interview. They liked him so much they’re tailor making a position for him. Again, the ride began to ascend to the top.

Saturday was good. Sunday better still. I was feeling stronger and the kids came for lunch. It was a very pleasant weekend.

Today, I had another reaction. It wasn’t as severe, but it sapped my strength again. I want to curl in a ball and sleep until summer hits and my immune system is back to normal. My pup didn’t help any. He let his instincts get the better of him this morning and he took down a rabbit. All in all, I’d like a redo.

Tomorrow promises to be another good day though. Against the Grain comes out on Amazon and as well as all the major retailers. It’s available in both print and digital.

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