The last several days have been hell, a roller coaster of good and bad that’s left me wanting to find a dark cave to crawl into and hide. My brother’s health has taken a nose dive and his only real hope is an experimental drug that in my opinion has some really shitty odds. They’ve administered the first dose and now it’s a wait and pray situation.
My job which, until recently, had been a good diversion turned into a freaking nightmare. I had been feeling unfulfilled and questioning why I was still there. I’d hit the job sites and found a few that seemed worthy of applying for, but I wasn’t truly excited about anything. Then as luck would have it, my son’s old team approached me with an offer. It was an amazing opportunity and one that I’m surprisingly well qualified for. It was just the challenge I’d been looking for. I verbally accepted and while the paperwork was being hashed out, I would spend my days off working in their division. I was excited.
You may have noticed that last sentence is in past tense and realize that something came along and effed it up. Yep, the something happens to be a friend. I don’t seem to have much luck with that group these days. This one wanted the position for herself and she threw a monkey wrench into the whole affair. The team that approached me is working behind the scenes to clean up the mess and smooth the way for me. I have confidence in their ability, but I’m wondering if it’s worth it. No matter what happens, I’ll have to go head to head with my former friend. Pit my qualifications against hers. While she definitely peed on my Wheaties, I don’t think she needs that kind of slap down. Her self-esteem makes mine look rock solid. My Love has asked me to give it a few days and see how it all shakes out before I make any permanent decisions. So, in yet another aspect of my life I’m waiting.
Have I mentioned how much I despise waiting? It eats away at me and makes me tense.
So tense and irritable that I had a fight with my Love. He’s been burning the candle at both ends for a while now. Work has been on his last nerve and he’s been staying up nights trying to finish a project. We had a simple misunderstanding, but neither handled it well. I gave as good as I got. It’s been a while since my cat claws have come out and I’ve taken a few swipes at my Love. I’m not proud of it. My job is to have his back not tear his face off. We worked through it in short order. It was resolved before we parted for work, but the emotional toll was done.
When my stress level reaches critical mass my body tends to react with a physical response. Of course it kicked in. Now I’m dealing with that as well.
In the midst of all this, my editor reached out. I was asked me to participate in an anthology. The deadline to submit the story is next month. My gut reaction was ‘oh hell no’. I’m late on submitting Against the Tide and you want me to change gears entirely and write a short story set in a new world with all new characters? Are you out of your mind? Of course, they know nothing about all the extraneous crap going on in my life.
I spoke to my Love about it. Complained is probably a more accurate word. They couldn’t have waited until I finished Against the Tide before handing me this? Argh. I hate saying no to a challenge. Yet, I don’t see how I could complete the story in time. With me working my days off, if I accepted the writing assignment it would have to be completed on my Love’s time. Every other minute was accounted for.
To my surprise, he said accept it. He didn’t hesitate. He said it was an honor and I needed something fun to focus on. He started talking plot points and got my mind whirling. While sitting through a family get together last night (one of my least favorite activities) I zoned out and cobbled together a story line. This morning I refined the idea and began to hash out the character details. By lunch, I came up with synopsis and blurb. I’m still struggling with the tag line, but I always do. I’ll get it. With my Love’s support, I’ll get through everything.