Nothing stays the same

Friday night at dinner, my Love told me we needed to talk. Rarely is that a good thing. His demeanor was serious and I began to fret. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember anything that I’d done wrong. Well I’m constantly in trouble, but not the serious – we need to talk -kind of trouble.

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Our wedding anniversary was the following Tuesday  and to celebrate my Love took off the whole week. Since we’d just gotten back from a business trip, we decided to spend the time together at home.

My guy is not what you could call a couch potato. He’s constantly working on one project or another. So I assumed he’d spend a significant portion of our time completing this, that, and the other. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

After dinner  my Love pulled out a copy of our first interest inventory. Hell it was so old, I’m surprised it wasn’t written on parchment paper. Going through our hard limit list, we had a good laugh. I hadn’t remembered that some of my current favorite activities had once been taboo. We had a great time walking down memory lane.

What I loved most was the way my Love remembered our ‘first time’ scenes. As he was describing them, I had the opportunity to ‘see’ them from his mind’s eye. He talked about my reactions and how they fed his need. It was intoxicating. I’d never felt more sexy than I did listening to him that night.

As we went through the previous inventories, I knew he was showing them for a reason. He was pointing out the trends of the past in order to chart the future. He asked me pointed questions. Ones that made me squirm in my seat. Questions I found I was a little embarrassed to answer. That in itself was amazing. We’ve been together so long and we’ve talked about everything under the sun and yet I felt my face heating.

You see once one fantasy has become reality, another takes its place. Naturally, it’s a little racier or a little more taboo than the one before it. Each time I bare my soul, I’m taking another risk. Will he think I’m going too far? Will it differ from his interests? Will it turn him off? A million fears go through my mind. My heart rate rises and I get shaky. And wet. I’ve known my guy since 1981. I’ve been his wife since 1984. I know he loves me. I know he supports me, but each time we venture into new territory the rush is still the same.

That night we charted a new course. We talked and talked and talked some more. I described a scene that had been bouncing around in my head for a while. It’s different from anything we’ve ever done.

I was honest with him. I explained why it pushes my buttons, but that I’m not sure it would in real life. It’s something I don’t completely understand so discussing it objectively isn’t easy. I stammered a lot.

The next day he was pretty strict. Every playful act I engaged in was met with immediate punishment. After a few hours, I asked if I’d done something to upset him. He winked and told me it was time to refine my training…

All week long, it’s been much the same. He took my fantasy, twisted it to fit his own style and brought it to life. Our relaxing time at home has been nothing, and I mean nothing, like what I had expected. It’s been so much more. At times he’s been dark, strict and unmerciful. He’s pushed my boundaries. And I’ve loved it.

We’ve begun a new chapter. I’m not sure where it will lead, but I’m ready and wanting.

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