I don’t believe a relationship can be both happy and stagnant for long, yet the flip side of that used to be quite daunting.Think about it. Nothing brings the same level of excitement as a new element to a scene. But does that mean you have to continue upping the ante?
When we first began our journey, some fifteen years or so ago, we had clearly defined boundaries. Yet with the passage of time, those boundaries have expanded. Early on, they changed at a pretty rapid pace. Honestly, I was worried where our path would take us.
My husband and I spoke often about it. He reassured me at every turn that we would never do anything that I didn’t agree to, far in advance. One of our hard and fast rules was I couldn’t change my limits mid scene. He demanded I have a clear head when I set the boundaries. He knew what felt good in the moment, might have traumatic consequences for me the next day.
While I appreciated his words of solace, it didn’t completely alleviate my concern. I knew he would never go against my wishes. The problem was, I worried what it would take to keep the euphoria coming. How could we continue to explore and not, eventually, grenade even our hardest limits into oblivion?
Turns out my husband was smarter than I was. He knew our core values would never change and they haven’t – even though we still try new things all the time. In spite of the fact that we’ve been on this path for more years than I care to count, we still discover a new facets to our scenes.
Just recently, we stumbled upon a style of play I never dreamed would push my buttons. In truth, I might have had an inkling a while back, but I didn’t recognize it for what it was. Until I was secure in the knowledge that our path wouldn’t lead in certain directions, I think I refused to acknowledge it. (There are a few types of play that I never want to engage in. I won’t mention them here; I don’t want to offend anyone. My limits need not match anyone elses. Just because something is off limits for me, doesn’t make it bad for others to engage in. My preferences are simply different from theirs.)
We’ve finally reached a point, where I no longer worry about the destination and I’m just thoroughly enjoying the ride.