Marriage is work…and other such myths

really piss me off. Our 31st anniversary is next Saturday and many people have been congratulating us. Inevitably, the comment ‘marriage is work’ comes up and every time I bristle at the phrase.

Frankly, if marriage is work, maybe your not compatible or perhaps it’s just a semantics issue.

I do go out of my way each and every day for Kevin. I get up early, even on my days off, to make his lunch and prepare his tea. Some days I get home earlier than he does and I’ll pop the tv on while I make dinner. Since he despises watching tv, a few minutes before he arrives I’ll turn it off, put on smooth jazz and make sure his favorite beverage is chilled and ready for him.

Is that work? Hell no. I enjoy making his life easier. Making him happy, seeing that smile on his face, is a much greater reward than a tv show.

I do those things and others, not to keep the peace, certainly not because it’s expected (it isn’t) and there wouldn’t be hell to pay if I didn’t. I simply want to.

On days I work, Kevin gets up early so we can spend time together as I get ready. He starts the shower running so I walk into a warm, steamy room with already hot water, he makes my lunch and walks me to my car.

Would he enjoy an extra half an hour of sleep? Sure, but he insists he values our time together more.

So where does the work come in? What part of marriage is ‘work’? Is it the fan-fucking-tastic sex? I’m often breathless and exhausted afterward, but I would never call it work.

Is it those awkward moments when a co-worker flirts and you strive to walk the line between friendly professionalism and not doing anything that would hurt your spouse if they were standing right beside you? No, I call that good character.

Is it spending hours with your in-laws when you have tons of other shit you’d rather be doing? Well maybe…but how often does that occur? Can you really call it work or is it more a civil responsibility¬†like jury duty or paying taxes?

My point is, if you love your spouse, if they hold your heart in the palm of their hand, how can ‘doing for them’ be work? To me, ‘work’ is something I’m forced to do because the alternative is worse. We ‘work’ to keep from being homeless and starving. I go out of my way for Kevin to let him know I love and appreciate him, not out of fear of being dumped. In the world according to Tori there’s a big difference.

2 thoughts on “Marriage is work…and other such myths

  1. I must admit Tori that nearing 40 years myself, that while the word “work” is not a great one, we didn’t get here without serious effort on both of our parts. That’s just me.

    1. Congratulations! It’s awesome that you’ve had that much time together. I’m very happy you found each other early on and have been able to spend your life with him.
      Please note though, I didn’t say…what an accomplishment. That’s another comment that doesn’t go down well.
      For me, spending time with Kevin is never work. It sounds corny, but I really do believe he’s my soulmate. When he’s away I feel a part of me is missing. With him, I feel whole, like I can breathe again. I don’t think I’ve expended any energy to make our relationship work. I was lucky to find my lifepartner early in life and we’ve been blessed to spend those years together. In my opinion, that’s what deserves a congratulations. In the great lottery of love, we’re grand prize winners.

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