I’m not sure what the best term is. Perhaps you can help me decide.
About two years and a half years ago, my husband and I had reached a place in life where I no longer needed to hold down an eight to five career. We had dreams of me staying home and writing.
Our marriage is very traditional and as the years pass it has become even more 1950’s idyllic. He has enjoyed having him home. My writing career is doing well. I’ve written twelve books and have two more in the works.
When I came to him and discussed getting another job outside the house. It caught him by surprise. He really didn’t want our lives to change. He was displeased to put it mildly.
I explained where I was coming from, how being home alone was a bit stifling. I didn’t feel connected with the outside world anymore. I knew by his expression that he didn’t understand. Not really surprising, he has no frame of reference in which to base it. He has worked non-stop since he was seventeen. Except for scheduled vacation time, he’s never had a period in his life where he didn’t have a shoulder full of responsibilities.
I know he would love to have unencumbered time to work on his many projects and hobbies. I wish I could switch places with him, though he’d never allow it. The thought of me working and him not, is abhorrent to him. Shh, don’t tell anyone, but he’s a bit of a control freak.
Instead of blowing me off and telling me I was crazy, he listened and believed me even though he found it difficult to fathom. He supported my decision even though it would alter our day to day life.
After much looking, I found as perfect a job as possible. I started it this week. He never once complained about the change in schedule. He woke up early and made my lunch. By some fluke, he got home earlier than I did and he began dinner. On the first night when I came home with pounding headache, he wrapped me in my favorite fleece blanket and snuggled with me. He asked me questions and told me repeatedly how proud he is of me.
Today, I woke up early and made him a hot breakfast. We talked and laughed as he got ready to go. During our goodbye kiss, he remarked on my smile. Apparently, it’s been gone for a while. He was so happy it’s back.
I still don’t think he understands why holding down a job is important to me, but he does understand me. He trusted my decision and had faith in me to find something that would suit both our needs. He gave me a set of wings and allowed me to fly, scary thing for man like my husband. He wants his wife surrounded by bubble wrap and out of harms way.
I wish I didn’t need outside human interaction. I wish I could stay at home every day, always be at his beck and call, and still keep my sanity, but this past months have proven it’s not possible.
When we decided to reinvent our marriage, he made me a vow. He promised to put my life and happiness above his own. This week he proved those were not mere words he whispered in my ear. He meant them and I love him all the more for it.